Blinded gifts


I have been listening to alot of The Fray’s music. As of right now, I am too. I feel.. calm. Nostalgic. Im feeling nostalgic. And I like it when I get moments like this.

I know I have mentioned alot of times how thankful I am for having this life Im living. For knowing the people that I do. But its just that Im constantly reminded internally how grateful I should be. It dawns on me from time to time that I have many things, people, that others can only wish for. A mom who is understanding and forgives me for whatever I have done. And not that I take it for granted, I dont. Right now one of the only things I want is to not hurt my parents, to not make as much mistakes as before. I have been avoiding screwing up and when I do, God knows how disappointed Id be of myself. Seeing my moms face whenever she finds something bad out of me, is just something I wouldnt want. Not right now. Not ever. Because I love her more than anything. After all, she and Daddy are the ones who’s going to be there for me, until death do us apart. Same goes to my father as well. Maybe I dont see him often seeing as he is one hell of a workaholic. But I love him nonetheless. He knows how to make me laugh and hes a genius. I wish I could be as smart as him, but of course, I wouldnt want to make work as my life. No offense, Dad :p Still, its good to have them both as my parents. Im just really glad I have a tight bond with them, you know? Some people dont even interact with their parents much. I Would hate that. To me family comes first, no matter what.

And then there comes my scumbag sisters. Sure we fight sometimes but we always, always, have a cute silly way of making things right back. Girl talks, bonding over food and watching TV together, all I love. All I miss. Now that my elder one in Sungai Besi Military Bridget Camp and my younger – the youngest of course in Seremban. i am missing them a lot. Next, my best friends, my close friends, and just all my friends and in fact strangers I come across sometimes. People never fail to amaze me, surprise me. And that is why I am always so thankful for their existence in my life.

Last but not least, my Pseudo Prince Charming. Haha. You see, Im not desperate when it comes to love. Im the type of girl who, when single, has her heart reserved for the right guy. Not just for anyone. And he, won a spot in my heart. A big spot. He brought out the goodness in me, and changed me. Made me, want to change myself and become a much better person. Religiously, and as an individual. Hes different than other guys, and Im not just saying it. He is very unpredictable that makes me so attracted to him, he is not a jerk and he is wise. On top of that, he sure knows how to make me laugh, make me happy and most importantly, make me smile. He is not there for me all the time but enough showing his presence by mentioning me on his social network or liking my status. I feel safe whenever Im with him. Secure. As if I belong. From the beginning he has always listen to my endless ramblings, never complain, never judge and always trust me. I wonder how I ended up meeting him. Was it fate, was it meant to be? Maybe God knew he could change me? Either way, it was a good thing. One of the best things. I swear. He is definitely one of the few people Im beyond scared of losing. I really do.

Biggest thing I am thankful for, would be the fact that I was born to this world as a Muslim. And that my God is Allah. I cant imagine being any other religion, though I respect people no matter what they believe in. Maybe I disobey a few of God’s rules and I tend to curse or swear as I like, I still always keep in mind Islams limits. And pray to God, talk to God, all the time. And, how can I forget. Me being lucky growing up with getting pretty much everything I need, and everything I ask for. I consider myself lucky for not living like some unfortunate syrians, palestenians, and that I have every body parts complete. Maybe im insane sometimes, but thats beside the point.

I know Im nowhere near perfect and there are always flaws people see in me. But really, Im not that bad. Im not half as bad as some people in this world. You just gotta learn to get to know me. Hear me out. And keep in mind, that no one is perfect. You arent either. Dont say bad things about me just to make yourself feel better. To make you feel like you are above me. Cause truth is, you are not. Pretty much shows you are just.. insecure. But hey, whatever that makes you happy okay? After all, this screwed, messed, fucked up girl right here are the one who has the best people around in her life. Whats your say to that. 🙂


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