If only we knew how things would turn out to be.
The person who you are now, is it the person you thought you would grow up to be back then? When we were kids, did we have this image of us right now pictured in our minds? Did we imagine ourselves falling in love, multiple times of changing ones dressing style, experimenting and being complete daredevils, joining big groups that some claim to be their so-called friends, sneaking out till the sunrise, lying to your parents, making mad mistakes that involves a huge change in a persons life, dying your hair red, getting pregnant at the age of 17, learning to drive once high school starts, jetting off to Paris just to fulfill your craving for macaroons (or to Pasar Seni to fulfill your craving for famous amos ice cream), rebel, skip classes to go to the rooftop of your school to smoke up, go clubbing and pass out at an illegal age or make up stories to ruin a persons life?
No, perhaps not. Back then what mattered most was having the best toys and fulfilling your ambition of being a superstar or a dancer or a doctor cause you decided it was professional, or classy or just plain cool. We never worried much cause we had no idea did we, how we would turn out to be. Seeing yourself now, are you proud? Do you like how youre turning out? Course alot of us would love the idea of rewinding time and fixing back shit but you and I both know that is nowhere near possible. If there is one thing thats impossible for sure, it would be having the rewind button in life.
We get upset sometimes, broken hearted. We wish life was much more fair and envy the ones who are asses yet seem to be living life on the fab lane. The good life. I mean, I know what you mean. It is unfair isnt it when say, you being a total smart kid who never once rebelled in life yet never even gotten your first kiss when people your age has already lost their virginity. Dont get me wrong, that is not at all a good thing. You should be thankful you havent gone too far but you do wish you have felt what the other girls, your friends, have. The way they describe things when theyre in love, darn. Your heart burns with jealousy yet all you can do is fake a tiny smile.
Despite the fact that I choose to live life to the fullest, I believe sometimes we should be a little too careful about everything. Making decisions is something we have to face every single day, and it gets tiring doesnt it. Its always a problem when theres too much choices to choose from, and it is too a problemwhen we have to choose only between the two. God, did we have any idea how tough life would be? So many things can happen in a second it scares me. Happens all the time. One evening you might be laughing with your girlfriends about a funny boy and that night you might have a big fight with your mom that leads to non stop tears. Funny how life works? Indeed.
Life is too short to not make mistakes, to regret. To not risk something once in a while. When you think about it, what have you got to lose? Theres nothing wrong to say or do something random, ask for a hug when you feel like it, remind someone how much you love them even when theyre not at their lowest, paint a swirl of colours and call it art, or tell everyone what you think of them.
Maybe this is not the girl I thought I would be when I was six. I had no idea, but I love surprises. And this life sure has alot in store for me. I guess my point is I just find it amazing, how when we were younger we were clueless about the future. We were innocent and carefree, and look at us now. Ask yourself, is this the life you wanna be living? No regrets? You do know, that you wont get a second shot in life? Well if it hasnt dawn on you yet, then bless you. With whats going on around, I believe the world is not that far from the end. So its time to balance everything. Praying and avoiding the bad stuff is compulsory, while risking and doing everything yet with boundaries should be done. Remember, lifes short. And what, have you got to lose.
“You are not okay.” “Tipu”
I am not. But I choose to keep it to myself as I was so afraid you would turn out to be like those people who cant accept my flaws, weaknesses and problems. It is not that I do not trust you but I cant see the person I love to walk away from my life like others did. I cant take it anymore. You would be the last person I would ever risk my life to let go.
P/s; I want to keep you. Thats all that matters.