Why are we doomed with such luck? I dont expect to win every time in this world, everyone has had their fair share of good and bad, ups and downs but sometimes I cant help but feel like some of us have it worse than others. How is that fair? What did they do that we dint? What did we miss out on, where did we go wrong?
Every time someone complains about the things they have to go through, someone else would say that its nothing compared to his/her problems. And that we know nothing about how hard life is until we face what they have to. But really, I think everyone has their own problems and they may not be at the same length but they are still considered as the hardships of life, more or less. You dont get to judge, you dont get to say Im weak or puny just cause I sigh over some very minor things cause these little dilemmas I have to face soon piles up each day and results to a breakdown at the end of the day.
Waking up to the unexpected, opening up to someone who wont do the same, arguing with people who refuse to back down, battling with my own self inside my head and never agreeing on anything, caring about a person who doesnt feel the same way, trying your best and never succeeding. Such is life.
I cant say I know how it feels like to have the weight of the world on my shoulders, but you have no idea how hard life can get for me. Or for anybody else in fact. Everyone has it hard, every person in the world right now is battling to survive. But everybody wants to give up. Why doesnt anyone choose to hold on? How am I supposed to survive on this planet when I cant see people taking leaps of faith, or believe unconditionally. I see haters and fighters, but never lovers and believers anymore.
What is the world coming to?
Im stuck in a rut alone and theres nothing I can do about it. I dont expect a fairytale life straight out of a Disney movie – I am a part realist who happens to be an optimist. I just wish there was someone who could show me that there is some hope left in this world. You know whats comforting, though? Ive learnt that my mom is a very idealistic person and every time something bad encounters her way she will reassure herself and people around her that it will be okay, things will get better and its just another bad day. Thats life.
I must have gotten my optimistic side from her, luckily.
Some people who curiously asked this on my tumblr, what is my relationship principles and what kind of a guy Im searching for. I wanted to reply on tumblr but I guess it will be better if its on my blog. teehee. So here they are :
1) I dont have any specific taste or types of guy I would wanna be with. BUT. I prefer a simple yet better than myself. I do not usually go for metrosexuals.
2) I do not go for man who is unavailable especially when they already have a partner because I despise women who flirt with my guy. thus, I avoid what I want people to avoid.
3) If you flirt with my guy and he flirts back, you can have him. I dont want that kind of trashy.
4) Im almost 23. I want a serious relationship. If you are attracted to me and thinking Im some kind of a woman you wanna play with, I guess you should back off.
5) I dont date my guy friends. i tend to stick with them with friendship status and I dont wanna lose them because of the relationship status.
6) honesty. I prefer a guy who would be honest with everything, even with his past, flaws, weaknesses as long as he is being honest. I take that as an appreciation from him because that shows how comfortable he is with me.
7) I go for give and take. If you date me, dont be surprised if I pay for our food or movie because I feel ashamed to use someone else’s money especially the one who is yet my soulmate. plus, my parents taught me to not owe anything from people. But if its your gentleman principle to invest your money during our date, well, sure then but the next date will be my treat 😉
8) continue from give and take, I will treat you like you treated me.
9) I can assure you an infinity if you let me be your infinite partner. I can promise you my commitment and loyalty if you do so too. I dont simply accept men in my life, to be truth. when I already hold on to someone, it will be so hard for me to let go especially when the relationship has promises me to lead into the next step. of course, fate and destiny are not my job but I believe with effort, we can change our destiny.
10) according to number 9, ‘it will be so hard for me to let go’. yes, but if you show me hell is our final destination, perhaps breaking up is the best solution.
11) if you can accept flaws, weaknesses, ugliness in me, might as well I will accept yours. If I dont, I wont say yes from the beginning. However, if you dont or change your mind after knowing me better, it will be great if you call it off earlier because you will end up playing with my feelings.
12) I already have a guy who I plan to spend my entire life with. insyaAllah. So, those are only my relationship principles but not hints or secret methods on how to win my heart. the most important is to be yourself and search for the one who worth the time, pain, tears, disappointment, and so on….