sugar and bricks

I feel peculiar. My teeth feel funny like I had something sour. My heart is pounding like Im nervous for a race. My mind isnt at ease and my hand wont stop wanting to move things around. To say Im content is a big fat lie. To say Im restless is an understatement. Gawd, Im confusing myself even. I want to do so many things right now, but Im terrified at the thought of the possible consequences. Coward !. I’m losing it, definitely. I’m definitely losing it. I need to get back on track and prioritize and put my life in order once again. I cant go on living like this, I feel like Im  losing myself and even people around me. You know what else I think? Im overreacting. Godddddd how do I fix this. Who do I reach out to, to fix myself? Well thats easy. God, of course. I put my life in His hands and let fate do and give whatever I deserve. But that doesnt sound like me, does it. Sitting back and not doing anything about life, accepting whatever that comes my way. No, I decide my future. I do what I want and say what I wish to whoever I want, whenever I want. Yeap, thats me right there. Or was, that was me. Now all I do is make up theories and try to live with it and accept the way reality works. Honestly, other peoples happiness make me happier more than a lot of things. When In down, and I go on facebook and see a certain guy posting something positive about my best friend, it makes my night straight away. Knowing my sister and her boyfriend have been together for almost eight years now make me smile. Finding out a guy I onced care for found someone he really likes and knowing she makes him happy, makes me happy. My patient texted me telling how thankful he is to receive my free dental treatment and willingly to help him solving all his dental problems, gives me a very strong positive feeling on clinical year. Maybe it isnt my happiness, not directly nor personally, but it sure is something. A big something. I just want all the people I love and care about to be happy, genuinely happy. That alone is enough to make me feel alright. Mmhmm..

P/s; his birthday is coming up. Omg im so terrified! 

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