how do i start writing this? lets start with me and few friends studying together and we were talking about gebetans during kuliah. then a frien of mine asked me “Sha, kamu bukannya pernah dideketin sama X” i was like… EEEW! not in a million years.from my point of view, he dint but then they told me, he did. he tried. i then start to ponder. and i told them,” its impossible cuz i have a bf. and if you guys think i would fall for him, nahh. you guys are wrong. ”
then.. a friend of mine (lets call her Y) asked me, ‘are you sure ypu are actually having a relationship with this guy?’
I paused. ‘he dint say he loves me. never. not yet. but i know he does’
My guy friend, W, then said ‘sha, jangan sampe kamu aja nanggapin itu. gimana kamu tau dia serious kalau mau omong sama kamu aja sulit’
Christine then look at me and said ‘its okay sha. but dont trust and love him that hard’
i understand. because if you guys were in my freinds’ place, you guys would be asking me this kind of questions and yeap, i got them alot.
im now writing this in my room because i want everyone to know, if you are in love dont be afraid to get hurt. we dont know our future but lets do the best for now. I know I look so in love with him, since 6 years ago? and so cheeesy, childish bla bla you can judge me. but thats how love works for me. For now, i dont think any of the consequences. When a friend asked me if its okay for me not to call him or skype.. im okay. just dont ignore me without any news. i have my own priorities too. and of course sometimes i get mad with him too but we talked.
how about jelousy? of course i do. sometimes. but thank God with every piece of advice comes from my friends, i strongly believe ‘apa nak jadi, jadi lah. Aku percaya je.’ why? because he is not mine. im not his. if you really bbelieve with prayers and God insyaAllah God wont betray you. agree with me? honestly sometimes im the one who afraid in making him jealous. i avoid taking pictures with guys (berdua), i avoid replying rubbish comments and sometimes i deleted their comment. sbb bnd tu semua buat orang jealous. he is not that type i guess, but i dont want to trigger his limit.
i know i sound so ‘eeew’ or ‘gurlllll youve never taste heartbreak isnt it?’
i did. ive been through both. meninggalkan dan ditinggalkan. Trust me, if you really learn from your pasts, you will never want to repeat it and you wont let your partner to feel the same like you did.
apa pun jadi. jadi lah ya?
kun fa ya kun.