740 words


7 years ago. I met this guy who I secretly in love with. Called him BU. So people wont know i had crush on him except my close friends of course.

We became friends. And now we are this close. We dont have anniversary. Im not sure when we started it but here we are.

Im not gonna takk about how good he is because girls would fall for him.. hahah. But im glad i have him and despite flaws i have, he stays.

It has been awhile since the last time I planned out my outfit, make ups, attitude… just to make good impression for his family. Ive never been this happy. Honestly when i see how my mom can communicate well with his mom and aunty, im glad i met him. This is the first time experience… ive never brought anyone , any family to come and meet my mom. I felt scared at the same time happy. Im scared if they cant accept me or im not what they were expecting. His family was lovely. His mom, dad, aunt, everyone. I felt very welcome. Could you imagine? First time having this kind of experience…


i was very scared. And at the airport i keep asking my mom ‘what if diorg tak terima tasha? What if diorg tak nak org mcm tasha’ ‘tasha okay tak ma?’ ‘Kita okay tak?’

Mom said. ‘He came from a good family. You are blessed to have him’

and i asked her ‘what if keluarga tak terima?’

mom : bukan jodoh awak.


Nearly cried. I know ive tried my best. If he is not the one, its okay. Probably jodoh masih tersangkut mana mana.


Then bapak called the next day.

He asked me a very serious question. ‘Da berapa lama tasha dengan dia?’

Me : ntah. Da nak dekat 7 tahun kenal.

bapak : ada jodoh ada la. Tasha jangan paksa ya.


then today during sahur. MOm told me about aunty gee’s son and she want to jodohkan her son with me. Mom said ‘shes going steady with her friend in sarawak’ hahahh. Wahhh. An then… She suddenly cerita about her past. She told me about her bf during highschool and she waited for him till he cme back from theUS. She had the guysto ask him ‘when are you going to settle down?’ The guy just said ‘dunno’. So mom left him and after a year she met daddy and got married. Last fewweeks she found her highschool love and they talkedabout their past. And the guy asked my mom about her feeling towardshim and why she left. Mom told him everything and the guy regretted + he toldmom ‘i didnt know your feelings towards me andi dont have any courage to ask’. Mum said ‘this is fate. My husband ismy jodoh. Perhaps its thebest for both of us’


after that mum told me To not repeat her mistake. Ask luqman when he is going to settle down and has he told you about his future. Does he really wants you as much as you want him?


I remain silent.


this evening i receive kad jemputan kawin a friend of mine getting married and was shock to know shes not gonna get married with her bf (i kenal bf dia) .. then i ask her bla bla bla. Almost the same like mama. But a bit different.


These two stories gave me headache and distracting my job.


If you were to ask me, when i wanna get married. I can say TOMORROW! But i have no money. And it will be selfish without thinking of my partner. Semua perempuan nak kawin cepat.

i still havent ask luqman. About what mom wants me to ask. Honestly i wanna get married or at least bertunang or merisik (i dont prefer bertunang) as soon as possible. Because i know we are going to be far apart during hospital attachment. Im not sure im going to get sarawak.. but for suremesti jauh.


Then again, luqman is a very focus person. He prioritize his job over everything. Ive seen during his pre u and degree life. I decided to keep it. He knows when the time will come. This time its his job to decide. Ive been chasing him over years but not this one. Hahah. I know he will think about it. Im not gonna paksa him or wtv. Even ask him… takut pressure and i might lose him… i dont want to.


Whoah. A long post ey. 😪 Time to sleep. Night!



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