i know some things can change. like when you really love someone but end up hating them. Or perhaps you really love them but somethings going on and you have to stop.
5 years in Indonesia and ive met alot of people that come and go. But these people here, i never stop thinking about them cuz I really miss them. I never had any relationship with anyone (apart from my family) that i feel.. home. Who are they? Family Makassar. Tante Ros, Om Hamzah, Indri, kak Innah and everyone in Panakkukang. Tante and om are like my own parents. Whenever i think about thm, i can only pray for their health and happiness. I love them like my own parents.
And Indri? Shes like my sister. I hope shes doing okay. I hope she doesnt think that I hate her or ive forgotten her. I hope she can persue in whatever she loves, I hope she found her true prince, I hope she found a sister who can be there for her and I hope shes happy.
as for others, im sorry. For whatever ive done. They are like my family too. But for some stuff, i have to let things go.
I miss everyone. For all things that happened, people will call me stupid cuz i still love them like my own family. 3 years ++ with them. I shall never forget these good memories ❤️
They say pain changes people. I couldnt agree more to that. I tried not to blame pasts that recently came and greet me again. But really, it changes me. It changed how i look at people, how i treat them and how i think about them.
Its not that I can no longer think of their kindness or wtv, i no longer depend on them. Especially in finding my true happiness. After what ive gone through for the past 2 years (almost) i learn how to walk by myself and even backpacking alone.
I tried to look at the brighter side of everything. Im young, im curious, and a little confused but thats okay. Im still learning. Im trying to get away of these pasts that haunt me. Im trying to distract myself with games and hanging out with friends. I avoid telling them the truth – no. Im not being ignorant but for me, the more i say and think about it, the more it consume me.
I need to get away. Again. But where?
Im back with writing!
Probably you will be wondering with my current situation right now as i was in ‘not available’ blog status. But im back! Because i was thinking, i should write just so mr Lemon could spend 3-4 minutes of his day reading my blog. At least i want him to know things going on around me and yes! I need his attention. Wait. HIS attention. Not yours. Not everyone. Okay. That is so… Blunt.
Dear mr Lemon,
I understand how busy you are. Like i said, i trust tou. And sometimes i just want your presence here. You probably dont reply my text because you are so focus with your work at the hospital but its okay. I understand. Its enough for me to know that you read my blog eveyday, you listen to my endless ramblings and you know my situation here. Thats all. I hope you dont miss anything. I want to keep update on you but, nahh. I know things will come on the right time if you know what i mean. Take care 🙂
So here we are.
I just came back from Toraja with my makassar family. It was FUN! Although theres certain part im not happy with but overall, IM GOING TO MISS MY MAKASSAR FAMILY. Ive learnt that, God is so wise. I may missed a lot of things especially bad things currenly happening around me and involve ME, but somehow, God made me choose to spend my holiday with them and He open my eyes for everything I may not get clear view with. And im so thankful with that. Secondly i learnt, Kebenaran tidak akan dapat disembunyikan jika hati tidak tenang. Dan ketahuilah, Tuhan tidak akan menganiaya hambanya terutama apabila difitnah. But in the end, i realised that human make mistakes 🙂 so i forgive them dunya and akhirah. Life has ups and downs. The only way you can become happy and find peace is when you choose to forgive and forget 🙂
Aku bersyukur dengan kehadiran kamu.
Walaupun kamu bukan seperti cowok atau pasangan lain yang mungkin setiap hari balas text, telfon, kencan, tapi aku ga tau kenapa hati ku tenang. Tidak pernah merasakan gundah atau galau seperti orang lain. Meraka sering bertanya ‘kenapa bisa kamu terima dia?’ ‘Kenapa bisa kamu tunggu walaupun hanya dibalas sekali dalam seminggu’ ‘gimana kalau dia selingkuh speerti mantan mu lain?’
Aku hanya bisa jawab
‘Aku ga tau. Setiap hari hanya doa aku titip ke Tuhan buat dia dan keluarganya’
Jujur, tidak pernah sekali dalam hati ku tidak percaya sama dia. Dan menurutku itu adalah perasaan terbaik dari Tuhan dan Tuhan memberikan yang terbaik buat diri ku. Amin.
+ Eleena Ahmad
I believe I owe it to a lot of people, for bringing me to where I am today.
On this random Monday, I have somehow taken myself to trips down memory lane. Every memory came gliding in, like the sound of pitter patter – slowly, calmly, wonderfully. No complaints. I think all it took was one visit back to the past, reliving moments I never thought I’d ever get the chance to again. But God works in mysterious ways, and instead of giving me what I wished for on a silver platter, He gave me an opportunity to see things for myself, and solely evaluate what’s always been in the back of my mind. Because God never gives us the easy way out, as He wants us to understand why things happen the way they do. And it’s reconciled. My thoughts are now put to ease. I’ve actually got the chance to resolve my what ifs. Do you know what’s the best part? It was all been done on my own, by the help of God. No, a book contenting what I should do and how to handle life did not land on my praying mat on a night of blue moon – instead He opened my eyes. And that was all it took really, for me to realize. For me to choose the right path. For me too look back, and smile.
That’s all I’ve been doing, in the midst of reminiscing, realizing and reconsidering. I smiled the whole way through. So this is when I do the acts of letting go, making leaps and taking chances. This is when I finally put an end to some things, and brace myself for new beginnings. This is when I push aside any negativism living inside me, and bring out my optimistic side.
This is when I make a fresh new start, without being torn in between the past and the present. Because I am now heading to the future, with a much polished present.