Why Im so lucky to have him.

Inspired by Sex and The City movie. For the 3rd time.!

Samantha: How often do you feel happy in your relationship?
Charlotte: Well….everyday.
Samantha: You feel happy everyday?
Charlotte: Not all day everyday, but…everyday.

Last night, Luqman and I talked. It was just a plain conversation where I asked for his opinions on my baju that Ive bought and soon gonna buy more. Hehe. 7 years we have been friends. 5 years we didnt talk much. Just a plain hye and bye just so we wont lose contact with each other.  Im glad where we are now.

We laughed, we made jokes, we developed a friendship that was so natural and effortless.

If anyone knew me best, it would be Luqman Arif Mohamad Taha. He can predict what id say and do, its quite scary.

Thats how I know its special.

Weve been through so much together, from nothing to something. Im still learning to understand him, his imperfections made him perfect.

One thing that i love him most is he can tolerate with my madness. Especially that time of the month. He will keep quiet and eventually put up white flag. I know I may be harsh at times. Im sorry. And those time i like to mengeluh. Like yesterday. Im glad I can talk to him. Eventhough we are miles apart but I can feel he is the shoulder I could cry on. And thats one of the reason why I will get mad if I didnt get his attention because I only talk to him. No one else. I hate the fact that Sometimes I can be too dependable on him. Especially when I need someone to talk to. And trust me, he is a good listener and the best in giving advices. I am so blessed to have him.

I write so many stuff about him cause I know one day, Ill read them back and I want to remind myself how deeply Im in love with him if hard time comes by. I want to remind myself that Im so blessed to have this man who stays despite weve been through ugly days. I want to remind myself that this man is a keeper.



Love you always

Tea and ee


Look density

Perahu kertasku kan melaju
Membawa surat cinta bagimu
Kata-kata yang sedikit gila
Tapi ini adanya

Perahu kertas mengingatkanku
Betapa ajaibnya hidup ini
Mencari-cari tambatan hati
Kau sahabatku sendiri

Hidupkan lagi mimpi-mimpi
(cinta-cinta) cita-cita
Yang lama ku pendam sendiri
Berdua ku bisa percaya
Ku bahagia kau telah terlahir di dunia
Dan kau ada di antara milyaran manusia
Dan ku bisa dengan radarku menemukanmu

Tiada lagi yang mampu berdiri halangi rasaku
Cintaku padamu?

To the man i love.

IMG_2593.PNGUndeniably missing Sarawak and Luqman Arif


what you are lookingnow is just a picture. But theres more. I come to realise on how precious is this relationship is. Im not sure how you think about it. But everytime i read about negativity in relationship, i realised that im so blessed to have you. To choose you. Over other men. YOu are not perfect. Sometimes i can get so mad at you especially your attitude leaving our conversations when im half way texting/explaining to you…

I dont know where this leads to..

Im not sure whether we end up being happily ever after or youre just part of my life lesson learned.


But for now, thank you for everything.

Ive seen how broken someone can be when they went through a toxic relationship. Ive seen how broken someone can be when they are being cheated by their partner… Ive seen it all.


For now, im so thankful to have you. We are miles apart, we cant date everyweek like others do, but relationship is not just about seeing each other. But the love and trust we held together. Thank you for staying, thank you for loving me although you dont show it but making me your only one is more than enough.  I do not expect you to be like those guys who bring flowers for their gf, ive talked about this so many times. Enough with your commitment in this relationship. Because thats what makes me so happy each day i wake up knowing theres someone i miss and you have always been the reason for me to be better everyday. I know im tour potato haha but theres so many things i have to improve. Im glad youre the reason behind it.


I keep on giving myself reasons to be patience… i do believe you are the one. And i hope you feel the same thing. I have flaws that some people cant accept them. And you choose to stay :’)


thank you for everything. Im writing this because i feel so blessed to have you and your fanily. They are so good to me. ❤️❤️ Everytime i read all those heart broken stories (you know how i can easilu affected by them) they remind me of you because you have been such a great partner everyone can ever ask for!


When will i see you again?

i miss you

Tea and ee


today we talk

like nothings happening.


I Was being completely okay.

And he

was trying to.


then i told myself

‘Hey we are okay!’


so why was i mad at him?

Few days ago.


perhaps it was because i miss him

i stop myself from logging into social medias

and i end up.

bored. Lonely. And i miss him.


cuz i used to check my notifications if theres any from him.

and i always visit his profile.

(yes, im his die hard fans lol)

and cuz i miss him.


so yeah. Im sorry.

but i still didnt get his answer.


i wonder.

Khal Drogo


Sorry i dont have any idea what to put for the title. Haha

To the man i love ,

Congratulations on passing your final professional examination! Im so proud of you! You deserve it. Ive knew you since asasi, you are a hardworking man, full with dedication and integrity, very focus on studies (sampai text pun sekali sebulan tapi now boleh dikatakan everyday lah. Almost) smart, and banyak lagi. Ill keep them for me okay. Hehe Congratulations! Good luck for the next step in your life! I hope you can be a good doctor just like your father and save many life! You will be busy 😦 but sokay. We will get through it. And ill try my best to get the same hospital with you! 😡 
Congratulations, cloud9.


What does natasha really wants? 


Been ages huh? 

So i had to write this cause i think its important for people to know more about natasha and before i can forget, i better write this down.
My friend came to my room and we had a debate on stuff. She told me theres one resident likes me bla bla. (Same stuff over and over again) and i had to ignore. She asked me why do i have to turn down guys like them. Resident kut. Da la dokter. Wooooo. And ive turned down some before plus an engineer. Let me get things straight. This is what my father always taught me. ‘You can be a lady but when it comes to dealing with your future, think like a man’. 

You can fall in love with anyone you want. But when it comes to choosing a husband, you cant play shit anymore. I can choose to be in love with them. But thats not what i want. Im 24( gods sake) and what i want is a husband. 
I know I get this a lot ‘he likes you cause you are hardworking’ ‘he likes ypu cause you are a dentist’ ‘he likes you becaue you are pretty’

When we ladies get married, we will give you all invluding part of us, flesh and blood – babies i meant. Thats what ill give to my husband. In fact, i work hard so I could have a job and I could afford my family. Yes, im a family oriented woman. I promise to myself that I will be there when my children are sick, when my husband is home, when they are hungry, when they need money, when they need shelter etc etc. do you think by choosing me cuz im pretty is important? No. And i wont love a guy who choose me cuz im becoming a dentist. 
So what i want?

I want a guy who will loves me. All of him. Who will make me a better person, who can lead me, appreciate me, respect me as much as i respect him  and again, love me. I do not expect my husband to be at home always. Cuz my parents always in LDR and they have no problem with that. I do not expect a husband who always buy me stuff cuz insyaAllah i can afford myself too, i do not expect my husband to worship me cuz he has Allah too. But im expecting him to love me and accept me cuz i promise him my love and everything. 
After awhile my friend asked me, so what does Luqman has when you can trust him although you guys never met for 5 years? What makes you so sure of him till you can turned down guys who actually an inch from you?

Idk. I was speechless. Not sure of it too but yes when it comes to him, im sure of it. 
What if he betrays you?

…. Perhaps thats just a sign God wants to tell me that he is not the one. 
Friend; if you can accept his betrayal, why not turn him down now? 

Me; What makes you think he will betray me? 

Friend; idk. He is a guy btw. Perhaps he is texting and calling with other women without knowing you. 

Me; other guys are guys too. I know him. He wont do that. And if he does, its okay. Then God knows whats best for us. Dont you think?

Friend; idk. Its hard for me to consume all this LDR stuff plus you havent met him for such a long time. 

Me; i know. Thats what prayers are for. It makes us stronger and i feel close to him. 

If anyone read this, and still thinking about choosing me cuz this n that. Think about it again. Marriage isnt a toy. You cannot rush into something that you will spend your lifetime with. Its easy for men but not for women. Falling in love is easy but to commit is the hardest. Its an eternal job. 



With distance

Everything can be blind

Dark and unseen

Everything can be deaf

Everything can be senseless 

And everything can be unknown. 

But here i am

Choose to show you everything

Choose to be seen

Choose to choose you

It is not easy

But for you

I try to make it easy

Because i want to keep you


Love. Thoughts. Pray. LA. TNE



Perkataan indonesia

Yang bermaksud tidak jelas. Or ga jelas! 

Someone im closed with texted me this evening. Again, about love. I aint a love guru but its because we are close, so she has no one to talk to but me.

Jadi ceritanya, dia sudah break up dengan bf dia. About 3/4 months ago because she doesnt want to commit any relationship but she loves him. Its just that she thought that she is still not able to be a great lover and so she let him go. But really, she has no one else but him. 
So after 3/4 months which is now… She miss him. They texted back since a week ago and suddenly the guy ask her ‘x, what do you actually want from me?’ She got oanic and shes scared … Then you know whats next.. She asked me what should she reply?
I replied..

“I dont know”

First of all, ive encountered this before. As in, aku pernah di situasi this guy. Not the girl. If i were to be him, i would ask the same thing. Because you let me go. And now you are texting me which you are dumb enough if you dont realised that you are giving me hopes.

Back to the story.

She said shes scared and she doesn’t know what to say.

I dont know either! Because this is all about you. You gotta be honest with that. You cant ask me. Im not the one who’s texting him and still want him yet im soselfish by not being honest with him. Im going to ask you too. What do you want from him?

Ladies and gents

Please. In this girl’s situation i may not be understanding. Because tell me, ist okay giving people hopes and expectations just cause you miss them and then you will leave them once you already satisfy your ‘need’? No. Put yourself in their shoe for once! 

Ive been in the guys situation. And it hurt me so bad. Because i love the person so much that i cant think of anyone else besides him. I tried to move on but i still cant. I dont know what kind of power he has but he totally got me…. And when hex texted me, show me how he cares about me, he was totally giving me hopes. And i did the same like what the guy did ‘what do you want from me’. Because sometimes all you need is a solid reason to make you move on. 
I dont care why and what the reason will be but if you dont want the person, dont give them any hope or chance. For instant; 

1) plenty guys texting me , although it was just a plain chit chat, but if its not about work – no.  Im not going to reply or i simply said ‘im busy. Cant text now’ because i dont want to give them any sorts of emotional attraction and i have a bf. I know how it feels being cheated or lied. Not gonna repeat that and not going to make him feel how hurt it is to be cheated. 

2) some are asking for my number. I told them, i know its just to be friends purpose but i have a bf. And i respect him. Im sorry.

I dont have to give any proof here. Enough if you can ask people how sombong natasha is and i always choose to go out alone rather than say yes to guys nak teman makan la apa la. Tu semua kasi harapan. And whatever you judge me , im that kind who dont easily buat orang sakit hati. I cant. Aku bukan la nampak baik sgt but everything yang aku buat aku akan fikir consequences and i will think apa org tu akan rasa, apa org tu akan fikir. Cukup dengan niat yang aku tak nak sakit kan hati sesiapa. 

From the above story, 

Dont do anything bullshit and give that shit to anyone you want. No matter what your heart wants, dont be one. Its great to feel how everyone loves you but think about the shit you might give to people. And that shit can change them into shitty ones because they dont wanna feel the shit anymore. 
Sometimes its scare me most if i stuck to one and only person because anything can happen. But to have a good relationship, its all start with you. Dont be afraid to give your best.