Always.

Why Im so lucky to have him.

Inspired by Sex and The City movie. For the 3rd time.!

Samantha: How often do you feel happy in your relationship?
Charlotte: Well….everyday.
Samantha: You feel happy everyday?
Charlotte: Not all day everyday, but…everyday.

Last night, Luqman and I talked. It was just a plain conversation where I asked for his opinions on my baju that Ive bought and soon gonna buy more. Hehe. 7 years we have been friends. 5 years we didnt talk much. Just a plain hye and bye just so we wont lose contact with each other.  Im glad where we are now.

We laughed, we made jokes, we developed a friendship that was so natural and effortless.

If anyone knew me best, it would be Luqman Arif Mohamad Taha. He can predict what id say and do, its quite scary.

Thats how I know its special.

Weve been through so much together, from nothing to something. Im still learning to understand him, his imperfections made him perfect.

One thing that i love him most is he can tolerate with my madness. Especially that time of the month. He will keep quiet and eventually put up white flag. I know I may be harsh at times. Im sorry. And those time i like to mengeluh. Like yesterday. Im glad I can talk to him. Eventhough we are miles apart but I can feel he is the shoulder I could cry on. And thats one of the reason why I will get mad if I didnt get his attention because I only talk to him. No one else. I hate the fact that Sometimes I can be too dependable on him. Especially when I need someone to talk to. And trust me, he is a good listener and the best in giving advices. I am so blessed to have him.

I write so many stuff about him cause I know one day, Ill read them back and I want to remind myself how deeply Im in love with him if hard time comes by. I want to remind myself that Im so blessed to have this man who stays despite weve been through ugly days. I want to remind myself that this man is a keeper.

 

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Love you always

Tea and ee

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To the man i love.

IMG_2593.PNGUndeniably missing Sarawak and Luqman Arif

 

what you are lookingnow is just a picture. But theres more. I come to realise on how precious is this relationship is. Im not sure how you think about it. But everytime i read about negativity in relationship, i realised that im so blessed to have you. To choose you. Over other men. YOu are not perfect. Sometimes i can get so mad at you especially your attitude leaving our conversations when im half way texting/explaining to you…

I dont know where this leads to..

Im not sure whether we end up being happily ever after or youre just part of my life lesson learned.

 

But for now, thank you for everything.

Ive seen how broken someone can be when they went through a toxic relationship. Ive seen how broken someone can be when they are being cheated by their partner… Ive seen it all.

 

For now, im so thankful to have you. We are miles apart, we cant date everyweek like others do, but relationship is not just about seeing each other. But the love and trust we held together. Thank you for staying, thank you for loving me although you dont show it but making me your only one is more than enough.  I do not expect you to be like those guys who bring flowers for their gf, ive talked about this so many times. Enough with your commitment in this relationship. Because thats what makes me so happy each day i wake up knowing theres someone i miss and you have always been the reason for me to be better everyday. I know im tour potato haha but theres so many things i have to improve. Im glad youre the reason behind it.

 

I keep on giving myself reasons to be patience… i do believe you are the one. And i hope you feel the same thing. I have flaws that some people cant accept them. And you choose to stay :’)

 

thank you for everything. Im writing this because i feel so blessed to have you and your fanily. They are so good to me. ❤️❤️ Everytime i read all those heart broken stories (you know how i can easilu affected by them) they remind me of you because you have been such a great partner everyone can ever ask for!

 

When will i see you again?

i miss you

Tea and ee

oh ai

Im not that lady who demands you to bring flowers but I love flowers

Im not that lady who demands you to open the door for me but Im okay if you want to

Im not that lady who wants you to hold my hand everytime we are on a date but I will when I want to

Im not that lady who wants you to treat me dinner but Ill be fine if you agree to let me pay for a movie.

Im not that lady who demands you celebrate anniversary but Id appreciate if that comes from your thought

Im not that lady who will force you to buy me teddy bears or chocolates during birthday but Im okay if you to do so

Im not that lady who would jelous if you go out or hang out with your girl friends because We are grown ups and I trust you but I expect you to do so if I go out with my guy friends.

Im not that lady who would find you when Im lonely but Im happy if theres one or two of your text

Im not that lady who would bother you when you are busy working just because Im not okay because Im trying to be independant but Id appreciate if you are there for me

Im not that lady who would text other guys just because you Ignore me or it has been days you are not catching up with me

Im not that lady who demands you to show to everyone that you are mine when we both are still not married but I will when you want me to do so too

Im not that lady who will tell people about my relationship because I never involve third party

Im not that lady who demands you to wish me good morning and night everyday 

Im not that lady who wants you to tell me everywhere you go and whom are you meeting with

Im not that lady who demands you to be so gentle when Im not that lovable yet

Because

In a relationship, I believe that showing you are mine and I am yours is enough. You dont have to be that typical and annoying gentleman. If you want to do so, okay. But lets do that after marriage? Because I no longer believe fairytale before marriage. I no longer hoping for that. Something that is so unsure and anything can happen before the next stage of life begins. People can change, time can change, everything can change! Being in a relationship is like a honeymoon in our lifetime but wait until you get married and you will see every bits of your partner’s flaws and weakness and eeeew! Will you still do the same stuff and being gentle? I hope so. 
Enjoy your life while you are still single

Focus on stuff you wana achieve before having a commitment

Love yourself before you love others

Improve your skills and qualities before you spend your lifetime with your partner because after marriage you are going to have so many thing to be prioritized about

Be the best! Before you are expecting the best to come

Get to know your partner very well at the same time, let him do whatever he wants as long as you both are being fair and practice ‘give and take’ habit

Keep those specialties and your plus plus point before you get married. Dont let him fall for that. Instead, show him the true you. Especially your weaknesses and ‘defects’ . Make him fall for true you

Get close with his friends and family. Let him know your friends and family. Grow the trust and build the cirlcle that you both enjoy sharing together

And most of all,

Never have to much expectation. Learn to love yourself and be independant. Try to find your inner peace and happiness and never make a person as a reason for you to be stronger and let them be the reason for you not to live your life. 

Trust me, when you do so, even if you have a long  distance relationship or something bad happen to you and your partner, you can deal it very well!
xx

Fireworks

Take this heart
Whether to love or to hate
Know that i will wait.

Separated by islands and seas
You are all that i see

Theres always a better man
Who is willing to take my hand

But my heart and soul
Are only yours.

The brain screams
reminding how idiot the heart is
As God test me with endless fish!
But Hallelujah to the memories!
They are nothing but beasts!

I’ve nothing to worry or doubt
You are always in my prayers to God
Take care and be safe
I am here for you, always. – with L.A.na

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Time can heal and reveal



Newly weds, bachelor parties, a fancy way of asking a girl The Question. Signs of two persons getting together, creating something. The start of something new. They say we were born because we are going to be important to someone. I believe in soulmates, always have. Some people are lucky. They’ve found theirs at a very young age, which gives bonus time to spend it together, to learn about one another more. What is life without getting any love anyway. Personal love. As in a one-to-one thing.

We all need a life partner. No matter what age. Yes, we have friends. But doesnt everybody. Although I am not emphasizing on boyfriend/girlfriend. Not exactly. Sometimes all you need is a best friend. One ultimately close person you’ve got and is good enough as it is. Maybe the time hasn’t come yet for them, but soon it will. And I don’t see anything wrong with not having a particularly special person when you have a girl or a boy who is close to all that you need. Not when you’re happy with it. But of course, nothing beats having one person all to your own 🙂 I admit, sometimes I hate sharing. Teehee.

Do you notice when you fall in love, you start to become more selfish? In alot of ways. You start to want more time on your own with your lover and cut time with friends a little bit shorter than usual. You’d get jealous eventhough your partner was just catching up with a boy or a girl whom they know and bumped into by the streets. You don’t allow your friends to use your phone much cause you wanna save up for calling your special one. And the list goes on. I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing. It goes by nature and it is just the way things are. But I can’t say I’m much like any of what I mentioned. Was just from my imagination of people. Makes sense.

Everybody needs the two to his/her one. How can we live without someone by our side? Its sad if you ask me. I hate how some humans are living in denial and think they’re fine on their own. Not even a few special friends. Sure you die with no one to cling on to but as we are living right now, this present tense, we do need someone to turn to. Someone to share a news with, no matter how small, someone to hold on to and having his/her arms around you when things get tough. We’re all a little vulnerable. A little insecure. We’re scared of the idea of being alone in this big scary world. Dont let your pride or your ego get in the way. Its not worth it. 

Learn to open up and let people into your life. Believe me, the outcome is worth it. It is hard. But like people always said, ‘time can heal everything’. I’ve been there before especially when I was so hoping he could be the one, but oh well, God knows best. My religion teaches me to believe in qada and qadar which is, fate and destiny. It has been planned well by The Almighty, I am very sure He only wants the best for me. Amin. 

For those who are already have someone they can always look up to and care for, appreciate your partner as much as he/she wants you in his/her life. You are so lucky to have someone who would think of you everyday, everynight and would be so excited everytime they talk about you and your relationship. Congratulations, you have made someone the happiest! You have shared your happiness with them and it will be continuous as they will share with others too. :’)

I’m hitting the sack now, readers. I have been sleeping early nowadays since I have so many things to catch up onto! From morning until evening with the same routine with Diana searching patients for our requirements. I cannot wait giving them treatments. I love helping those in need and the feeling when I get to see them smiling is…. indescribable! unexplainable! I hope I can be a good dentist and serve well for people besides inspire them to keep their oral health in good condition! Amin. 

P/s; For the first time he reminds me to take dinner! Omg!

S.O.S

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All I went through led me to you. I know it isnt easy, I know we have our doubts. And sometimes I just feel like giving up and let it all flow down the drain. I know you probably think none of the risks taken would be worth the pain. I know I am indecisive. I know it may seem like I jumped into something without thinking straight. I know that I should probably let you go. But nothing in life is ever easy, nothing thats worthwhile can ever be easy. If we choose to walk away from heartbreaks every time, then we will never be moving forward. If we prefer the easy lane in this world, then we would just be alive – barely even living. If we can never come up with a final decision, then we would be stuck in a whirlpool of what ifs. And it’s not like I am rushing, I just decided to take a risk. Which I believe I did for a reason, because I have faith. And I allowed fate to take charge. We are growing up. We are naturally given the permission to make mistakes and have hopes and hurt ourselves – over and over again. How can we ever learn from something, if we do not go through it? And truth is.. I believe you’re worth it. Times are hard, it might not get any easier but I believe it is bearable. I knew what I was signing up for and I prepared myself for the worst, because the best of times would be worth all the catastrophe. After all the time that has past and the feelings never really faded, the paths that were coincidentally crossed and how it led to wonders – it must have meant something. I dont know where anything is going and the future, no matter if it is weeks or months from now may seem like a scary place where you would not wanna go, but I would. image You may think im like everyone else, but im not giving up on you. And right now, with every burdens and problems in my head, I just wish you were here more than anything else. Because, you have always the person I trust most.

 

Nunca Te Olvidare

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If only we knew how things would turn out to be.

The person who you are now, is it the person you thought you would grow up to be back then? When we were kids, did we have this image of us right now pictured in our minds? Did we imagine ourselves falling in love, multiple times of changing ones dressing style, experimenting and being complete daredevils, joining big groups that some claim to be their so-called friends, sneaking out till the sunrise, lying to your parents, making mad mistakes that involves a huge change in a persons life, dying your hair red, getting pregnant at the age of 17, learning to drive once high school starts, jetting off to Paris just to fulfill your craving for macaroons (or to Pasar Seni to fulfill your craving for famous amos ice cream), rebel, skip classes to go to the rooftop of your school to smoke up, go clubbing and pass out at an illegal age or make up stories to ruin a persons life?

No, perhaps not. Back then what mattered most was having the best toys and fulfilling your ambition of being a superstar or a dancer or a doctor cause you decided it was professional, or classy or just plain cool. We never worried much cause we had no idea did we, how we would turn out to be. Seeing yourself now, are you proud? Do you like how youre turning out? Course alot of us would love the idea of rewinding time and fixing back shit but you and I both know that is nowhere near possible. If there is one thing thats impossible for sure, it would be having the rewind button in life.

We get upset sometimes, broken hearted. We wish life was much more fair and envy the ones who are asses yet seem to be living life on the fab lane. The good life. I mean, I know what you mean. It is unfair isnt it when say, you being a total smart kid who never once rebelled in life yet never even gotten your first kiss when people your age has already lost their virginity. Dont get me wrong, that is not at all a good thing. You should be thankful you havent gone too far but you do wish you have felt what the other girls, your friends, have. The way they describe things when theyre in love, darn. Your heart burns with jealousy yet all you can do is fake a tiny smile.

Despite the fact that I choose to live life to the fullest, I believe sometimes we should be a little too careful about everything. Making decisions is something we have to face every single day, and it gets tiring doesnt it. Its always a problem when theres too much choices to choose from, and it is too a problemimagewhen we have to choose only between the two. God, did we have any idea how tough life would be? So many things can happen in a second it scares me. Happens all the time. One evening you might be laughing with your girlfriends about a funny boy and that night you might have a big fight with your mom that leads to non stop tears. Funny how life works? Indeed.

Life is too short to not make mistakes, to regret. To not risk something once in a while. When you think about it, what have you got to lose? Theres nothing wrong to say or do something random, ask for a hug when you feel like it, remind someone how much you love them even when theyre not at their lowest, paint a swirl of colours and call it art, or tell everyone what you think of them.

Maybe this is not the girl I thought I would be when I was six. I had no idea, but I love surprises. And this life sure has alot in store for me. I guess my point is I just find it amazing, how when we were younger we were clueless about the future. We were innocent and carefree, and look at us now. Ask yourself, is this the life you wanna be living? No regrets? You do know, that you wont get a second shot in life? Well if it hasnt dawn on you yet, then bless you. With whats going on around, I believe the world is not that far from the end. So its time to balance everything. Praying and avoiding the bad stuff is compulsory, while risking and doing everything yet with boundaries should be done. Remember, lifes short. And what, have you got to lose.

“You are not okay.” “Tipu”

I am not. But I choose to keep it to myself as I was so afraid you would turn out to be like those people who cant accept my flaws, weaknesses and problems. It is not that I do not trust you but I cant see the person I love to walk away from my life like others did. I cant take it anymore. You would be the last person I would ever risk my life to let go.

P/s; I want to keep you. Thats all that matters.

To stay is to risk

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Realization. It would take so much for one to finally realize. To finally acknowledge how life works. Some learn it the hard way. Some got off easy. I guess when they say its an unfair world they were never kidding.

Over the past few years, months, days.. Ive realized and learnt so much. You have no idea. Every other adults has a story to tell. Well, mine is perhaps not much different than others. But then again, it could perhaps be the most unexpected one. Everybody has a dark past, no matter what age. It could be now, it could be anytime soon. Or it couldve already happened. Life can be best described in one single word. Unpredictable. No exaggerations, because theres life to do all the proving.

People will never fail to surprise you. And as you grow, you will meet a variety of people of so many different forms. There will be people who gets on your nerves, and some who has the ability to sweep you off your feet. Me, I have a large variation. Liars, story makers, low or high self esteem, kind hearted, hearts made of stone, hard ones, easy to fool ones, and so on. Its a wonder how some people can be like this or that, when I can never have the heart to do such thing. Like throwing babies for instance. Heartless is not even the word for it. Hell is the one place they should be heading.

Ive realized that people can change in such a short period of time, its like he or she has already been through something so drastic and you would be left wondering where did the time go. Ive realized mothers can be so understanding it would bring you tears finding out how accepting a mom could be. Ive realized in the end, boys can all be the same, yet rarely but possible to find ones that can prove you wrong. Ive realized girls can turn out to be really pathetic, desperate in fact, when all else fails, or even when all is fine. Ive realized nothing much beats being in the arms of the one you truly love. Ive realized fulfilling a craving is one of the best satisfaction, and that the term “I live to eat” is worth it. Ive realized slow dancing to a beautiful song is a beautiful moment, and so is lying in bed and not budging an inch. Ive realized it is possible for someone to love you more than you love yourself. Ive realized there apparently are still people with big hearts and beautiful souls breathing on this very planet.

Ive realized I am always blessed with such wonderful people. People who are always there for me when in need. People who care, and love me with no limit. Ive also realized.. I was wrong about you. But so right about all my expectations. And in contrary to what you may think, I meant that in a good way. In the best way. And I hope you wouldnt ever let me down. And Im glad I know before I die, I have found someone just like you.

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Thus, I would end this post with somekind of realization from Mery’s post that, I am happiness. I create the happiness and beauty of my life. I would go on as much as I can because happiness is to share. And I want to share with YOU and your family. And our future. Whatever things may happen, I will let the God to the rest as He knew whats best for us. If you choose to be with me, to be in my arms when theres no one else in mine, I remind you for this time, I wont let you go. 

Say it, and Ill be yours forever

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Dear God, I wonder.. in whose arms do I belong?

Love. Four letter word bring such dismay to people. Who knew a short word could affect people the way it does. Why do we love? Who do we love and how do we know it? What is love? That one very word is such a big deal in this world. Imagine, the world is produced out of love. Generations are built out of love. People have feelings out of love. Scientifically, I wonder, is there a definition of love? Its not something we can Google up or search in Wikipedia. Love is a feeling, when all those fairytale magical whatnot stuff comes to life. It’s when you start to believe, start to have hope. Its when you wear your heart on your sleeve. Matters in the world brings not much worries to you, as the person who made you develop such feelings only do.

As a XXII year old, can I really say I know the whole and purest meaning of love? No, I cant. And neither can you. I believe it takes more than a lifetime to understand such word. Every person has different perspectives on this subject. Wait, can it even be called a subject? Im not even sure. Sometimes love seems like such a big thing to me. Its like the most important matter on planet Earth. Nothing beats it. But then people appear and begin to prove me otherwise. I hate knowing love is just a.. ‘thing’. After all those wonderful and faithful thoughts out of it, its such a shame finding out Ive been living in a Pandora Box. But really, I for one know that love is not all amazing and a key to the perfect life. For it is also the cause of tears. And frustration.

Love leaves you feeling unsatisfied, sometimes. Like when things dont go your way and you cant get what you want. But whats amazing, is how much love can change a person. Like how a warm hug melted Jack Frost and he turned to be a glowing warm man with a big smile. When you get those tingly feelings, butterfly in your tummy – its just priceless. Its such a great feeling. Like I said before, best in the world. Saying I love you is easy, meaning and proving it is a challenge. I always tell people action speaks louder than words. Cause its true. Love can be expressed through lines of words, sure. But it is best shown. Proved.

In love, little things somehow matters most. I find random lines, actions or whatsoever just plain amazing. Dont you find it wonderful, when theres someone to think of when love songs comes up? Or someone to share a moment with. Talk and complain and just be yourself however you like it, knowing your lover accepts you the way you are. What Ive learned from myself, is how much people tell me love is not what I expect it to be, in the end, Ill still always believe in it. And know that theres so much more to it, than people actually believe in.

As for the three words, eight letters? Heres what I discovered, and agree to.
“I love you means I accept you for the person that you are and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you – just as you do not expect it from me. It means I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you’re down – not just when youre fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them – asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough to not let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping that you feel the same way. For me.”
I wish for one day, Ill meet a boy who when he asks me, what is love,
I can truthfully answer – love is you.

P/s; this has been taken and brought back from my old blog as my vision on love has never change.