To the man i love.

IMG_2593.PNGUndeniably missing Sarawak and Luqman Arif

 

what you are lookingnow is just a picture. But theres more. I come to realise on how precious is this relationship is. Im not sure how you think about it. But everytime i read about negativity in relationship, i realised that im so blessed to have you. To choose you. Over other men. YOu are not perfect. Sometimes i can get so mad at you especially your attitude leaving our conversations when im half way texting/explaining to you…

I dont know where this leads to..

Im not sure whether we end up being happily ever after or youre just part of my life lesson learned.

 

But for now, thank you for everything.

Ive seen how broken someone can be when they went through a toxic relationship. Ive seen how broken someone can be when they are being cheated by their partner… Ive seen it all.

 

For now, im so thankful to have you. We are miles apart, we cant date everyweek like others do, but relationship is not just about seeing each other. But the love and trust we held together. Thank you for staying, thank you for loving me although you dont show it but making me your only one is more than enough.  I do not expect you to be like those guys who bring flowers for their gf, ive talked about this so many times. Enough with your commitment in this relationship. Because thats what makes me so happy each day i wake up knowing theres someone i miss and you have always been the reason for me to be better everyday. I know im tour potato haha but theres so many things i have to improve. Im glad youre the reason behind it.

 

I keep on giving myself reasons to be patience… i do believe you are the one. And i hope you feel the same thing. I have flaws that some people cant accept them. And you choose to stay :’)

 

thank you for everything. Im writing this because i feel so blessed to have you and your fanily. They are so good to me. ❤️❤️ Everytime i read all those heart broken stories (you know how i can easilu affected by them) they remind me of you because you have been such a great partner everyone can ever ask for!

 

When will i see you again?

i miss you

Tea and ee

Mama

Hai. 

Gue lagi di pedo. Which is kedokteran gigi anak. Lol omong bahasa indonesia. Okay. So dah 2 minggu dekat sini. Hari ni apa aku nak cerita is about my mom. 

Playlist : mother by adhitia sofyan~

  
Tomorrow is her birthday. She is so special to me. I hope i can be like her one day. Good side tho lol. Jadi apa aku nak cerita is bila aku dekat pedo, aku tgk bidak kecik ni ada gigi terabur ada yang…. Kau tengok pun kau fikir dua kali nak rawat ke tak (kalau kau bukan dokter mesti kau tak sanggup). However is still look at them like gifts from God. Aku selalu fikir mereka itu berharga. Semua. All of them.  Tu sbb kadang kadang aku kesian tgk gigi diorg … Mmm. Okay back to the main topic here which is my mom. 
So after aku tgk gigi diorg aku terfikir, tak ada org ke jaga? Maafkan. Aku belum ada anak. Perhaps aku tak faham kesibukan org da kerja. And ada yang gigi berterabur sbb ada kebiasaan teruk mcm hisap jari, gigit kuku, bernafas ikut mulut. Some dari penelitian, tu sbb psychology. Diorg perlukan kasih sayang, diorang takut, diorg mentally depressed etc etc. you can do research yourself. Aku malas nak elaborate. 
Pastu aku tgk gigi aku and kakak aku and adik aku. Kitorg semua alhamdulillah bukan jenis terbalik sana sini and tak ada yang disebabkan bad habits as i mentioned …..adik aku je pakai braces itu pun mild potrusion and dia nak sgt. So aku buat kan dia removable bracket. Pastu aku fikir lagi… Gigi aku and sibs aku rasanya tak ada yang ada problem since kecik… Padahal aku budak kampung yg arwah nenek jaga masa dekat bangi. Aku jenis budak kampung yang main pasir, main daun, panjat pokok etc… Masuk hutan. Dont think i was born in kl so im that swaggy kid main basikal mahal. No. Aku siap tangkap arnab dalm hutan and bakar katak plus tgk org cina tangkap babi hutan. So yeah… Aku dulu budak kampung. 

My parents are always in long distance relationship. Bapak selalu balik once in aweek or two weeks.. Aku duduk dengan mama. My dad was in penang pastu pindah seremban pastu melaka pastu kl pastu sini pastu sana. 

In conclusion; ive grown up well. You can see how much love and care ive received from my mom although we are far away from my dad and dari aku sekolah, we have no pembantu or bibik or maid. We stop when i was 5 years old and my sister was 2. At 7 we moved to kota bharu, kelantan. Still, my dad was in penang. Sampai pindah KL pun bapak dekat seremban. 
My mom is a super mom. Knowing my dad, and sometimes ill be wondering ‘aku tak nak kawin dengan org mcm bapak aku’ (sorry dad), my mom must be strong enough to have married this guy. Tapi dua dua aku sayang 😀 
Happy birthday ma. 
   
    
   

Fireworks

Take this heart
Whether to love or to hate
Know that i will wait.

Separated by islands and seas
You are all that i see

Theres always a better man
Who is willing to take my hand

But my heart and soul
Are only yours.

The brain screams
reminding how idiot the heart is
As God test me with endless fish!
But Hallelujah to the memories!
They are nothing but beasts!

I’ve nothing to worry or doubt
You are always in my prayers to God
Take care and be safe
I am here for you, always. – with L.A.na

View on Path

Fairytale

 
Everyone wishes a fairytale in their life. We have our own goals and dreams, some might be still confused and dont know what they have for future and some are striving heart to achieve dreams he/she has. And that’s me.. The last statement. Give me 3 or 4 years from now-

1)  i see myself as a dentist. Working in government sector and private for part time. I choose to work with the government as i wish to help citizens and educate them more on oral hygiene with giving them high payment. 

2) I see myself traveling with my husband. I wish to get married before i am 27 because i do not want to get ‘expired’ haha. He is someone who is much much smarter, better than me. The one who would never get tired of my silliness and never bored of taking pictures of us. He will never pushed my hands away, he will always be the listener as I am not the type who can keep my problem to myself (he is the trustable one of course) and hug me without I ask for. 

3) I see myself in labor room (amin) giving birth to my first or second child hehe.  And there he is, my husband. Waiting patiently and so nervous yet excited to become a father. 

4) If that is my first child, I see myself working with baby bump and having holiday cause its hard for me to give treatments with big enormous tummy but i will make sure, i will not stop coming to the office and checking out my patients appointment.  

5) I see myself enjoying the evening air while sipping on a cup of coffee at the balcony with balinese or minimalist home style with my husband or perhaps, in my living room watching F.r.i.e.n.d.s alone while waiting for my husband to be back home. 
6) i see myself learning how to cook and improve baking while watching martha stewart show on tv. 

7) i see myself doing some DIY at my own art studio and enjoying my favourite DJs songs with headset.. Oops. Suddenly my husband came and grab my body to join him dance on the floor haha

8) i see myself sewing and knitting my own bedsheet and table runner

9) i see myself having holiday with my parents at Meccah and sponsored by me as mama has always wished to perform ibadah in Meccah

10) i see myself decorating my own house and paint my room plus making my own wardrobes that i learn from previous DIY website. 

11) i see myself watering the plants and flowers especially vegetables Ive planted in the mini garden At the back of my house

12) i see myself happily married with the guy Ive always love and never stop falling for him everyday with the support of my wonderful family and friends plus having a balance financial that is enough to survive and living happily ever after 🙂 
Things can be out of the plan but as a muslim, i believe in qada’ and qadar which is everything has been planned out by the AlMighty and indeed, that will always be the best for us. I am beyond grateful and thankful for what I have now because i feel enough and contented. I could not wish for more except to pray for the best ahead. Amin

Al-Alim Al- Karim

image

There’s certain point at a random time, something will trigger your mind that makes you think “how the fuck it could happen?!”

Howdy!
How’s your day today? Good? Not good? Alhamdulillah. Still breathing, still can read and hold your gadget to click the button visit and read my blog. I just finished doing a visit at a primary school situated at Mojokerto, approximately two hours from my house for public health posting and gave a talk on dental health education. Personally Im feeling very happy to have this kind of opportunity in helping children on how to maintain having a good oral health but at the same time, grateful for I was born and raised in a better condition. Judging the facilities and how limited their knowledge on health, I can’t thankful enough on how God has plan everything (the best) for me. I’m at the right place. I believe they need me, their generation needs me. I promise myself to always help people as best as I can and to treat them whenever they need me. It was such a relief to see how happy they were and the children even ask me if I could stay and come back again tomorrow. Unfortunately I have works to do at the clinic and told them to come if they miss me. Well definitely a good way to persuade them to visit the dentist every time they need any treatment because the main cause of not coming to the clinic even though its free (yeap its free) is because they see dentists as monsters and afraid with dental equipments. Sure, I was like that too haha but it taught me that having a good relationship and communication with kids or anyone, can actually persuade them to agree or accept with the treatment and knowledge we have given to them also making them fully understand about the talk we gave.

Besides, after almost a week here with my fellow colleagues, away from the city, I found my inner peace and happiness that I have yet found in my life before. I love to travel, bag packing, survival, but after I went through some major life breaks, I realized the true happiness and inner peace is helping people. I can be the happiest when I see people around me feel the same way. The only way I can do that is to help them. I forgot almost everything thats happening around me and my dark pasts and my problems when I see smiles on those people I’ve helped. The feeling is undescribable! I remember the first time I receive a thankful note and a gratitude message from my patient.. God knows how happy I was. Until now, the main purpose I’m giving treatment is to help people besides for dental health reasons..  Hehe. But seeing them happy satisfy me the most.

For what I have now, from where I stand now, Im thankful to my beloved parents who have raised me well until Ive become what I am now. I’m grateful for every fate and destiny God has planned for me. I may not be here without the blessings and not forgotten, everyone who never forget to mention me in their prayers.

image

image

image

image

image

image

u-turn

 

Hello earthlings!

First of all lemme start with…. Yes i have so many accounts! Not really… I have double twitters, Tumblrs and ig’s. But one of every of the accounts are for the purpose of not posting any personal matters. For this one – up there 👆🏻 is like a portfolio, or collections of photograph i took whenever I go. I love to see how beautiful every moments Ive captured and Ive always remember that, memories are not forever. But puotograph does. Our mind cant store everything, so do our eyes. We can witness the true beauty and share with everyone in the form of photographs. Nah.. Im not trying to be a photographer here. Haha. But this is how I collect memories that are worth to be kept for. Teehee

Second of all.

I would like to thank every readers and friends who have supported me in everything! Especially those who understand my current situations and problems. Thank you so much. I would not be this cheerful and craaayyyyzayyy  and loud and care freeeeee if its not because of these precious people ; diana, leeya, sinta, fallin, irrelevant eleven, faisal and of course, luqman arif. Thank you so much for being able to accept me during me hardest and toughest timealthough  some of you have no idea why I wasnt being the usual natasha. 

xx

P/s; God gave stars when Sun decides to leave. 

Stars before the moon

  

 

Hi.


I really dint want to start blogging again after my long absence in a melancholy mood, but I guess I am stranded with no other choice.

I pictured after graduation to be stress-free.
Id wake up later than usual, I wouldnt have to deal with breakouts, my hormones and period cycle would be back to normal, Id spend more time lazing around and reading novels and having my own DIY and craft time, and Id feel carefree and nothing would tie me down.
I guess my imagination at the time was incapable of being more realistic. Ha ha

But fret not, its not exactly like this for everyone. If you have yet faced graduation a.k.a wisuda, dont let this post scare you.
Your post-graduation would probably be much much better than mine. Well, mine for now. Mine for at least until everything (including the internship) is over.
Ah, yes.. thats what it is. 
Thats the cause of all these setting of alarm clocks, not being able to fall asleep peacefully, constant frowning, feeling like im at the bottom pit and struggling to put everything in order.
Who ever said dental school was gonna be easy. But I knew what I was signing up for.

But its not just the brain-wrecking internship, you know.
Its pretty much everything Ive been having to face and put up with.
Heartbreak after heartbreak, letdown after letdown, disappointment after disappointment.
Things have been disastrous.
Luckily, not all the entire time.
Im still blessed with my family, real friends and HIM who has helped me through alot.
Im still smiling.. and to me that is something.
Perhaps not enough, but nothing in life is ever enough for us normal beings. 

Dental school is over. I intended to write about that particular subject, but I guess ill have to put that on hold.
Just a few more days im going to Pacet for public health posting. Exactly 3 from now.
Stoked, I am.
Scared, I am.
Stressed, I am. 

Hoping that no one else is going through what I am at the moment.
And hoping that things would go uphill after all these is over.
And hoping for a year and half that would be worth all my hard work on that.
Pray for me, my little chums. 

Hugs and kisses, and sending hopeful vibes to all.
xxx

Time can heal and reveal



Newly weds, bachelor parties, a fancy way of asking a girl The Question. Signs of two persons getting together, creating something. The start of something new. They say we were born because we are going to be important to someone. I believe in soulmates, always have. Some people are lucky. They’ve found theirs at a very young age, which gives bonus time to spend it together, to learn about one another more. What is life without getting any love anyway. Personal love. As in a one-to-one thing.

We all need a life partner. No matter what age. Yes, we have friends. But doesnt everybody. Although I am not emphasizing on boyfriend/girlfriend. Not exactly. Sometimes all you need is a best friend. One ultimately close person you’ve got and is good enough as it is. Maybe the time hasn’t come yet for them, but soon it will. And I don’t see anything wrong with not having a particularly special person when you have a girl or a boy who is close to all that you need. Not when you’re happy with it. But of course, nothing beats having one person all to your own 🙂 I admit, sometimes I hate sharing. Teehee.

Do you notice when you fall in love, you start to become more selfish? In alot of ways. You start to want more time on your own with your lover and cut time with friends a little bit shorter than usual. You’d get jealous eventhough your partner was just catching up with a boy or a girl whom they know and bumped into by the streets. You don’t allow your friends to use your phone much cause you wanna save up for calling your special one. And the list goes on. I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing. It goes by nature and it is just the way things are. But I can’t say I’m much like any of what I mentioned. Was just from my imagination of people. Makes sense.

Everybody needs the two to his/her one. How can we live without someone by our side? Its sad if you ask me. I hate how some humans are living in denial and think they’re fine on their own. Not even a few special friends. Sure you die with no one to cling on to but as we are living right now, this present tense, we do need someone to turn to. Someone to share a news with, no matter how small, someone to hold on to and having his/her arms around you when things get tough. We’re all a little vulnerable. A little insecure. We’re scared of the idea of being alone in this big scary world. Dont let your pride or your ego get in the way. Its not worth it. 

Learn to open up and let people into your life. Believe me, the outcome is worth it. It is hard. But like people always said, ‘time can heal everything’. I’ve been there before especially when I was so hoping he could be the one, but oh well, God knows best. My religion teaches me to believe in qada and qadar which is, fate and destiny. It has been planned well by The Almighty, I am very sure He only wants the best for me. Amin. 

For those who are already have someone they can always look up to and care for, appreciate your partner as much as he/she wants you in his/her life. You are so lucky to have someone who would think of you everyday, everynight and would be so excited everytime they talk about you and your relationship. Congratulations, you have made someone the happiest! You have shared your happiness with them and it will be continuous as they will share with others too. :’)

I’m hitting the sack now, readers. I have been sleeping early nowadays since I have so many things to catch up onto! From morning until evening with the same routine with Diana searching patients for our requirements. I cannot wait giving them treatments. I love helping those in need and the feeling when I get to see them smiling is…. indescribable! unexplainable! I hope I can be a good dentist and serve well for people besides inspire them to keep their oral health in good condition! Amin. 

P/s; For the first time he reminds me to take dinner! Omg!

Spotless Mind

Dont you love kids? Or babies? They are so adorable! They are like the most precious gift from God although you might sometimes felt the heaviest responsibility too.. But.. I can see how these little ones can bring a family together and how they can cherish everyone in the family. It is true that mama once told me, a child can bring a husband and wife closer; they can break the loneliness and boredom plus they are like a glue that strengthen the marriage bonds. Agreed. I cant wait to have one :’)

Okay that is just an intro. Howdy everyone! Phew! Im done arranging and throwing those unusable stuff. I cant wait for clinical years! Ive take the oath and will be in service on 2nd March next month. Yeay! Oh about the graduation! Alhamdulillah, also on the next month ; March 28 .. Honestly I cant wait to wear the cloak and the hat, and hugging my parents! As they were my inspiration from the beginning. Of course, if Lipas is happen to be here, I will definitely take millions of picture with him and cry…for never ever leaving my back 😗😗 thank you. It has been ages since the last time I saw him and glad we are still in contact. Im glad although he is busy and have tons of work to do, he is still has the effort to text me. ☺️ Im at the bottom phase of my life now with things going on around with my dad, my mom, my friends etc etc but like always, God is wise. He always give me something or someone to remind me how grateful this life is if I look at things with brighter side. Oops. Got to go! I have stuff to pack up. Ill be out of town tomorrow. Hehehe!

xx

Bigger than infinity

eleena ahmad

It took a while for me to dig up all those picture ive collected as many as i can. The first left 3×3 squares are during 1st and 2nd. You can see us holding bones and how FAT i was. Next 3×3 squares are 3rd and 4th semester. Below left 3×3 squares were duribg 5th and 6th. And finally, 7th till now pictures. 

I realised, when mama said ‘friends come first’ whenever I have some shitty moments back during high school , when I didnt even care what she said.. God finally gave me the proof. (Probably He wants me to tell the same thing to my children?) Haha. Took some time. But you see those pictures especially the last 3×3 squares. They were the ones who were there during my hardest and worst. From the beginning, it wasnt easy. Pasti gaduh. And until now. But, thank you so much for these two creatures as they have always be my mom, my dad, my ustazah (haha), my dietician, my diary, my counselor, my doctors, my annoying sisters etcetc. Not just me but everyone have witnessed how close we are. they are bad and good days we faced together but deff lesson learnt for us. If in future, whoever ask me, or perhaps my own family, who are they? I would say, they were the one who have always be my scrumhalf-ers when im having “rugby” moment. Rugby players sure know what it means. Hehe. So my post here are going to be in 3 languages. Haha. Indonesia, Malaysia dan inggresis


To diana, 

Terima kasih. Udah terima aku, kurang nya aku, gilanya aku, semua. Ada waktu kamu pasti sebel sama aku walaupun setiap hari ketemu, udah pulang juga ketemu.. Di Line. Haha. Tapi ga pernah kamu ngomong kamu udah capek atau udah menyerah temanan sama aku. Kamu ada waktu aku sakit, lagi nangis, lagi gembira banget, lagi marah. Dan ga pernah mengeluh. Kalau ada, pasti aku lupa. Makanya aku bilang, ga pernah. Kamu ada kurang mu. Aku juga ada. Tapi kita terima dan makanya bisa sampai sekarang jalan bareng dan paling lucu, kamu ngambek aku ga text sama kamu waktu libur. Haha. Maaf yah. Terima kasih udah nyetir waktu aku lagi perlukan dan sering percaya sama buruknya aku. 

To christine, 

You are like a sister to me. The wisest (not always ;p) when giving advices, the one who always never care about stuff i shouldnt do, you have your big-sister ego, the one who corrects me in everything and yeah.. More like a google. Thank you, aku ingat waktu kau rush pergi kos aku masa bank card aku hilang and kau tolong kasi aku ubat masa aku sakit. Ingat lagi? Segala kebaikan kau aku ingat. And kadang kadang kau buat aku panas, aku fikir balik apa kau da buat untuk aku. Thank you for accepting me although it was kindda hard at times. I knew. But you are the honest one who will tell every of my wrong doings straight to my face. It never a bad thing for me because what you always spit, became lessonlearnt for me. 

You both make my journey here becomes memorable, enjoyable, amazeballll, scumbagaball. Hahah. Everytime i see people walking out from my life, ive always thankful for its not both of you that has been taken. You guys were there during my hardest time (god how many times ive been repeating thiss) but also during my happiest. I never knew until I look back at thos pictures of us, and I remember how you both been waiting outside the Pathology department during my sidang. And hoping i pass my skripsi, thats the most memorable because there was none stood up for me and celebrate the biggest day of my degree life except  YOU TWO.  God can put me in hard situations but not losing my two good friends here. 

K.. Im so emotional because Im sad with my marks although I passed. And honestly I feel so stupid for putting my mental in such imbalance state until I couldnt fully focus on exam. I wont let this happen again. Trust me. 

xxx