Today i went back Malaysia for good. My mind keeps on reminiscing all the bad and good times in Surabaya.. i was thinking, will i survive this journey without friends?




Friends are like sugar in your coffee. Or milk. They turn from bitter taste to sweet and acceptable taste to drink… ive learnt that, its true that ‘friends before dicks’.


My friends were there when everything turns upside down. I know sometimes i prefer to be alone but at times, their presence means everything.


Cant explain them into words anymore.

i miss my surabaya friends. Nah. Family.



What is strong?

  • strong is when you try to forgive the person you hate most
  • strong is when you try to move on and forget everything
  • strong is when your friends ajak pergi clubbing and you try tak pergi
  • strong is when your friends keep asking you shit questions about your relationship and you still tell them how much you love your partner
  • strong is when your dad buang barang diy
  • strong is when you try not to cry when people said LDR sucks and banyak case selingkuh
  • Strong is when your pasien suka PHP but you sabar
  • strong is when your pasien tak datang ikut appointment but wtv
  • strong is when you cant graduate because system mcm shit but wtv (again)
  • strong is when you still hold on to the relationship although your partner is kaki pukul and baling kasut
  • strong is when you try to forgive your partner yang suka selingkuh
  • strong is when you try not to cry during prayers because you try to make lovely communication with you Bae (Allah swt)
  • strong is when you try pekakkan telinga dengan mulut orang
  • strong is when you try to keep your feelings away because your relationship is much precious than your emosi yang tak betul.
  • Strong is when ada kawan yang autis tapi ajak keluar
  • strong is when you still love your partner eventhough dia rosakkan cake ulang tahun
  • strong is when knowing your car broke down in the middle of the road


strong is us. Statements above dont just imply on me actually. Mix up with orang lain. Haha.

Strong is natasha.

meet me halfway

how do i start writing this? lets start with me and few friends studying together and we were talking about gebetans during kuliah. then a frien of mine asked me “Sha, kamu bukannya pernah dideketin sama X” i was like… EEEW! not in a million years.from my point of view, he dint but then they told me, he did. he tried. i then start to ponder. and i told them,” its impossible cuz i have a bf. and if you guys think i would fall for him, nahh. you guys are wrong. ”


then.. a friend of mine (lets call her Y) asked me, ‘are you sure ypu are actually having a relationship with this guy?’

I paused. ‘he dint say he loves me. never. not yet. but i know he does’

My guy friend, W, then said ‘sha, jangan sampe kamu aja nanggapin itu. gimana kamu tau dia serious kalau mau omong sama kamu aja sulit’

Christine then look at me and said ‘its okay sha. but dont trust and love him that hard’


i understand. because if you guys were in my freinds’ place, you guys would be asking me this kind of questions and yeap, i got them alot.


im now writing this in my room because i want everyone to know, if you are in love dont be afraid to get hurt. we dont know our future but lets do the best for now. I know I look so in love with him, since 6 years ago? and so cheeesy, childish bla bla you can judge me. but thats how love works for me. For now, i dont think any of the consequences. When a friend asked me if its okay for me not to call him or skype.. im okay. just dont ignore me without any news. i have my own priorities too. and of course sometimes i get mad with him too but we talked.


how about jelousy? of course i do. sometimes. but thank God with every piece of advice comes from my friends, i strongly believe ‘apa nak jadi, jadi lah. Aku percaya je.’ why? because he is not mine. im not his. if you really bbelieve with prayers and God insyaAllah God wont betray you. agree with me? honestly sometimes im the one who afraid in making him jealous. i avoid taking pictures with guys (berdua), i avoid replying rubbish comments and sometimes i deleted their comment. sbb bnd tu semua buat orang jealous. he is not that type i guess, but i dont want to trigger his limit.


i know i sound so ‘eeew’ or ‘gurlllll youve never taste heartbreak isnt it?’

i did. ive been through both. meninggalkan dan ditinggalkan. Trust me, if you really learn from your pasts, you will never want to repeat it and you wont let your partner to feel the same like you did.


apa pun jadi. jadi lah ya?

kun fa ya kun.



Have you ever love someone till you cant stop thinking about them when you try to do something bad?


I do.

After me and indri got something for dinner, we plan to do something naughty. Something that ive stopped doing it. Until now i cant believe with myself as i say no because i thought of LA.

I know my pasts kindda bad. I dont wanna add it more. He is just too good to be true and me? Im beyond perfect. Im trying my best to be the best for him. And because of that I cant sleep. Because, ive never felt this deep.


i mean. I felt so guilty and i keep thinking about it. Can i be with him?


He is just perfect.

In sorry. Im still trying to fix myself and become better.

I have always grateful for the fact that you still stay. Never betray my love, trust and loyalty.

thank you.

Those days

down the hill

the storm came

bringing the bad news

pasts wind

blocking the sunshine

i knew it

then i saw him

i remember,

God knows best.



Ma, pa, you both made me realised, your blessings meant everything.


Uncontrollably Fond


i dont always watch kdramas and being obsessed with it. Especially with plots and story line. Except with the actors heheh. But for this, yes, as you can read the title ☝️ … It really got me. I love how it gave me such an impact on how love actually works.

As I grow older, i learned few things about love. And this uncontrollably fond drama has really made my eyes open on what love actually is.

at first, i felt hesitate to watch it because all my friends including Diana (shes a kdrama freak) gave bad reviews saying that the story full of twist and ‘ga jelas’. But kim woo bin makes me wanna watch it..  Until.. I cant stop at all!


The story is indeed full with twist. Different than other kdramas. Dont expect any romantic and sweet sweet scenes .. To be honest, boleh pecah otak.


Skip to the last episode. I cried. I cried when kim woo bin tells anyone on how happy he is when he is alive although he grow up in a very harsh environment and he wants everyone to be happy when he has gone.

I cried because this is how we should actually teach the audience about the reality of life. There isnt always rainbows and sunshines… Because most of kdramas end up happily ever after… Which is so inpossible sometimes…


however, this is what i learn from uncontrollably fond;


1) when you love a person, theres no greater than sacrifice. Scarifice to make them happy. I love how kim woo bin sacrifice himself so when he has gone, she can live happily without any grudges upon his father .

2) love requires effort. Love requires trust. I cried on 4th episode when kim woo bin begs on her so she wont leave him and wants her to trust him.  Back when they were still high schooler, he gave her teddy bear on their 100th days and still trying to make her fall in love with him although she keeps on pushing hin away

3) family first. Kim woo bin sacrifice his life by stealing the usb because he wants to protect his fathers pride. He loves his father eventhough his father left her mom when he was still in her moms womb

4) appreciate the person who loves you while they are still around. Dont wait until theyve gone or changed. Dont take things for granted. Human can always change because time is moving, environment constantly changing. We wont realise until everything has gone.

5)  always be thankful for what we have because what we see might not be the same like others. We see flaws, they see perfection.

6) life is hard. Life is tough. But theres always people who is going through much tougher than ours. We see them happy but perhaps they are dying inside.

7) reality is, some things might bot have a happy ending but it gives a perfect ending for others. Kim woo bin died in the end but everything goes perfectly as he wanted to be. What if he is not dying? What if he is still alive? Will he still fight for the right of his gf’s father? Will he found the truth about his father’s cunning family? Again, everything needs sacrifice. Its all about give and take.

8) lastly, never give up on the person we love most despite their weaknesses and past histories. i strongly love kim woo bins character on how he really show his love on his gf. He doesnt care about himself as long as he gets her. He knew shes the one and thats why he never give up loving her no matter how bumpy the road is.


Here are some of the quotes i love from the drama

1) “Im good at waiting. Whether its 100 or 1000 times. I know i can wait. What i fear most is one day i might not have to wait anymore”

2) if you cant seduce me, ill seduce you

3) id scarifice the rest of my life just to make her happy

4) can you give me a job as your wife?

5) the one who loves more is the weak one and never get tired of being hurt

6) you have a big heart. You deserve a person with big heart too. Dont worry God is listening.


There are so many why’s going on nowadays.




why are you here?

why are you visiting my blog?

why are you reading this?

why are you smiling?


its human nature to be curious with stuff happening around us. Why? What? Where? When? How?

I think its impossible to say ‘i never judge anyone or anything?’

because our curiosity makes us think and assume and interpret things around us. Without us knowing, we are actually JUDGING!


But what makes us rational is when we try to understand everything we thought about. ANd even better, when try to see the positive side of it.


Everything has reason. Every question has its answer.


Someone who i knew, teach me to always think good, act kind and always be positive. I know i cant be that always. But i try. Because i will keep thinking about stuff when i have bad intention on it. Thats why, i dont have anyone i hate (so far). When i despise someone, ill keep myself away from it. I have more things to do and my brain has a small capacity of recycle bin. And that recycle bin is usefull when I unconsciously deleted some inportant ‘folders’.


Bad things always happen. And it keep flying and bugging your life. I cant forever run from it. Instead i just go abrakadabra and turn it into some flowers or chocolates ? Haha.


My life is already messy. Ive tried so hard to achieve some goals in my life. It took years actually..  I wont let some people or etc crash it in just a second with wtv intention they have.


You dont know the struggle.

To have him.



Oh well.

again, why are you here?


They dont know the reason behind it.

they dont know how hurt it was

they dont know how it changed me

they dont know how broken i was

they dont know how bad it was





they dont know anything.


today we talk

like nothings happening.


I Was being completely okay.

And he

was trying to.


then i told myself

‘Hey we are okay!’


so why was i mad at him?

Few days ago.


perhaps it was because i miss him

i stop myself from logging into social medias

and i end up.

bored. Lonely. And i miss him.


cuz i used to check my notifications if theres any from him.

and i always visit his profile.

(yes, im his die hard fans lol)

and cuz i miss him.


so yeah. Im sorry.

but i still didnt get his answer.


i wonder.

The bees wont be attracted to poisonous flowers

UKMP2DG in 2 months. Nope a month.


I guess youll see me with my panda eyes, no more ketawa orang gila because my brain has been pressuring me with all the reminders about stuff i need to catch up. Thanks brain.


I dont know what else to write. Okay bye.


see tou in two months.