To the man i love.

IMG_2593.PNGUndeniably missing Sarawak and Luqman Arif

 

what you are lookingnow is just a picture. But theres more. I come to realise on how precious is this relationship is. Im not sure how you think about it. But everytime i read about negativity in relationship, i realised that im so blessed to have you. To choose you. Over other men. YOu are not perfect. Sometimes i can get so mad at you especially your attitude leaving our conversations when im half way texting/explaining to you…

I dont know where this leads to..

Im not sure whether we end up being happily ever after or youre just part of my life lesson learned.

 

But for now, thank you for everything.

Ive seen how broken someone can be when they went through a toxic relationship. Ive seen how broken someone can be when they are being cheated by their partner… Ive seen it all.

 

For now, im so thankful to have you. We are miles apart, we cant date everyweek like others do, but relationship is not just about seeing each other. But the love and trust we held together. Thank you for staying, thank you for loving me although you dont show it but making me your only one is more than enough.  I do not expect you to be like those guys who bring flowers for their gf, ive talked about this so many times. Enough with your commitment in this relationship. Because thats what makes me so happy each day i wake up knowing theres someone i miss and you have always been the reason for me to be better everyday. I know im tour potato haha but theres so many things i have to improve. Im glad youre the reason behind it.

 

I keep on giving myself reasons to be patience… i do believe you are the one. And i hope you feel the same thing. I have flaws that some people cant accept them. And you choose to stay :’)

 

thank you for everything. Im writing this because i feel so blessed to have you and your fanily. They are so good to me. ❤️❤️ Everytime i read all those heart broken stories (you know how i can easilu affected by them) they remind me of you because you have been such a great partner everyone can ever ask for!

 

When will i see you again?

i miss you

Tea and ee

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Distance

With distance

Everything can be blind

Dark and unseen

Everything can be deaf

Everything can be senseless 

And everything can be unknown. 

But here i am

Choose to show you everything

Choose to be seen

Choose to choose you

It is not easy

But for you

I try to make it easy

Because i want to keep you

Forever.

Love. Thoughts. Pray. LA. TNE

Thoughtful thoughts

Banyak jugak benda nak fikir.

Theres so much thing to be wonder about.

1) aku tak fikir pun nak kawin sekarang or minggu depan or tahun depan tapi teringin la juga. Lain rasanya cinta halal dengan cinta yang main main tanpa tujuan. Tgk org da kawin ni bahagia dia lain dari yang lain
2) aku teringin nak tau apa org rasa aku duduk post status kat fb. Bukan tak ada kerja tapi… Kadang2 aku lebih suka duduk sorang sorang and main hp daripada berkumpul selalu pastu cakap pasal orang. Seriously natasha selalu ketinggalan gossip samapai pasal diri dia pun dia tatau ada gossip. 
3) aku nak kadang post bnd bnd …. Tapi aku fikir takut aku salah, takut aku bawa benda salah. Kadang2 aku da tulis panjang berjela jela tapi aku decided untuk delete sbb…. Aku takut ada yang terasa. Bukan la nak buat buat baik tapi kita cuba untuk baik 🙂 
4) aku tgk post pasal tudung fareeda la apa la… Aku terasa ada juga yang peduli tapi ada yang aku sedih sbb ada yang mcm ada biat nak jatuhkan business org. Aku boleh rasa diorg boleh jatuhkalau tak pandai marketing strategy supaya boleh ambil hati org balik… Sbb aku tatau la kalau aku terlepas pandang ke apa tapi business kaum lain tak ada mcm ni. Nasihat ada tapi tak ada la sampai keji (?)… 
5) aku kadang kadang rasa… Aku sakit and depressed. Orang mungkin tak faham. Tapi fikir la bila niat kita da bergunung gunung tapi selalu kena brainwash. Aku penat. Sampai aku rasa aku tak layak tunjuk kat org sisi baik aku. Biarlah diorg nampak sisi buruk aku dulu. Aku fobia tunjuk sisi baik aku yg lama2 kena pijak. Lama-lama muncul lah natasha seorang yg sangat ignorant dan sesuka hati dia apa dia nak buat. 
6) dari yang atas, kadang kadang aku cerita dekat kawan aku. Sbb tak semua tau’sakitnya’ natasha. Aku takut tak diterima. Aku takut orang tak terima. Tapi kawan2 buat aku yakin yang kalau orang tak terima sisi buruk aku, diorg tak akan ada can tgk sisi baik aku yang diorg sendiri da jadi saksi….  Jadi for now lantak la apa org nak cakap….
7) fikir pasal masa depan. Banyak aku fikir. Terlalu jauh… Yang penting aku nak jadi mak yang terbaik untuk anak aku. Amin
8) mama sakit kaki. I think its the sign.. I should study hard and finish on time. Permudahkan lah segalanya. YaAllah. Kak emi pun nanti operate kaki. Aku fikir nak bina keluarga tapi tak fikir nak jaga keluarga yang ada sekarang.. Haih. Tasha. Kesian mama. Masa birthday mama aku tak happy sgt pun sbb aku selalu beribgat yang mama da berumur. Tu sbb sedih fikir mama da jaga tasha dari kecik sampai skrg yang hampir jadi dokter gigi. 
9) aku yang aku sekarang, buruk atau baik aku bersyukur ada orang tua yang da membesarkan aku dengan baik. Masih dalam bentuk seorang manusia dan boleh berfikir.. Rindu rumah.
10) masih terfikir persoalan acin ‘kalau kamu ketemu luqman apa yang kamu lakukan?’ 5 years. And i still remeber everything.  6 years my heart stays with him. If i can wait that long, i can wait another infinity. 
good night

xx

Ambigu

Ambigu.

Perkataan indonesia

Yang bermaksud tidak jelas. Or ga jelas! 

Someone im closed with texted me this evening. Again, about love. I aint a love guru but its because we are close, so she has no one to talk to but me.

Jadi ceritanya, dia sudah break up dengan bf dia. About 3/4 months ago because she doesnt want to commit any relationship but she loves him. Its just that she thought that she is still not able to be a great lover and so she let him go. But really, she has no one else but him. 
So after 3/4 months which is now… She miss him. They texted back since a week ago and suddenly the guy ask her ‘x, what do you actually want from me?’ She got oanic and shes scared … Then you know whats next.. She asked me what should she reply?
I replied..

“I dont know”


First of all, ive encountered this before. As in, aku pernah di situasi this guy. Not the girl. If i were to be him, i would ask the same thing. Because you let me go. And now you are texting me which you are dumb enough if you dont realised that you are giving me hopes.


Back to the story.

She said shes scared and she doesn’t know what to say.

I dont know either! Because this is all about you. You gotta be honest with that. You cant ask me. Im not the one who’s texting him and still want him yet im soselfish by not being honest with him. Im going to ask you too. What do you want from him?

 _____________________________
Ladies and gents

Please. In this girl’s situation i may not be understanding. Because tell me, ist okay giving people hopes and expectations just cause you miss them and then you will leave them once you already satisfy your ‘need’? No. Put yourself in their shoe for once! 

Ive been in the guys situation. And it hurt me so bad. Because i love the person so much that i cant think of anyone else besides him. I tried to move on but i still cant. I dont know what kind of power he has but he totally got me…. And when hex texted me, show me how he cares about me, he was totally giving me hopes. And i did the same like what the guy did ‘what do you want from me’. Because sometimes all you need is a solid reason to make you move on. 
I dont care why and what the reason will be but if you dont want the person, dont give them any hope or chance. For instant; 

1) plenty guys texting me , although it was just a plain chit chat, but if its not about work – no.  Im not going to reply or i simply said ‘im busy. Cant text now’ because i dont want to give them any sorts of emotional attraction and i have a bf. I know how it feels being cheated or lied. Not gonna repeat that and not going to make him feel how hurt it is to be cheated. 

2) some are asking for my number. I told them, i know its just to be friends purpose but i have a bf. And i respect him. Im sorry.

I dont have to give any proof here. Enough if you can ask people how sombong natasha is and i always choose to go out alone rather than say yes to guys nak teman makan la apa la. Tu semua kasi harapan. And whatever you judge me , im that kind who dont easily buat orang sakit hati. I cant. Aku bukan la nampak baik sgt but everything yang aku buat aku akan fikir consequences and i will think apa org tu akan rasa, apa org tu akan fikir. Cukup dengan niat yang aku tak nak sakit kan hati sesiapa. 

From the above story, 

Dont do anything bullshit and give that shit to anyone you want. No matter what your heart wants, dont be one. Its great to feel how everyone loves you but think about the shit you might give to people. And that shit can change them into shitty ones because they dont wanna feel the shit anymore. 
 
Sometimes its scare me most if i stuck to one and only person because anything can happen. But to have a good relationship, its all start with you. Dont be afraid to give your best. 
xx

Two Four Sixteen

Hello. Today im just going to post photos with captions about how i spent my saturday with Acintyadewi S. Lots has been going on and im sooo tired to write. Better with photos huh? Enjoy
   
I thought of doing this kind of hairstyle but.. Seriously sha? Sailormoon on the move!

    
    
Snapchat 👆🏼👆🏼 lol

 
Swapface with acin

   
Colour that when we were at coffee toffee. Acin was doing her work and i was busy colouring. Yeah..

    

Dinner at nannys pavillon!

    
Sbb acin jakun dengan sticker lol

    
    
    
 
This is supposed to be up there but… WordPress kindda crazy

   
Acin was enjoying her salad

    
Mine was bbq chicken wing

    
    
Told ya i ate with hand. Tried with fork and knife… Failed

    
 
Support la produk tempatan. Bag is sponsores by mr luctensity. I love it and him. Just had to bring it everywehre witht me hehe

   
    
Dalam taksi nak balik

    
    
    
  
 
Asking acin if i could be that… And this is what she replied 😹😹😹👇👇

  
Okay thats all for today. Gotta sleep early. Usrah with sistersss and mau pecel. 😘😘
Night night

xoxo

April fool! 

Howdy!
Nothing much april fool but so far life is kindda fooling me around when i got shouted from my doctor…. For some reason.. Which is unacceptable. Its okay she has the right to do so and i forgive her! 
Next
Went to galaxy mall with my kosmate (sororitymate/hostelmate) and planning nak tgk Faith Anna Waters apa bnd tah dengan niat nya sampai nak belanja dia because not many wants to watch horror movies so i had to drag her. Unfortunately, the movie wasnt at the cinema yet… Baru plan nak nonton sam sama (indirectly) dengan Mr luctensity. Sedih gilak. Then we went to bazaar, checking out food etc. tapi tak ada apa. Akhir sekali makan steak at Ranch market. Oh! And i wore my new shoe! Weeeee. 
Thats all for today. 

xx
   
    
Muka sedih tak dapat tgk movie

    
    
 
Acin was trying out new lipstick! From Wardah.

   
Th result! Nice right?!

    
Mine is from wardah too! 👄👄

 
Le new shoess

   
Bought churros for dessert

 
Chocolate filled churros dip with caramel sauce. Talk about diabetes and DIET. Ha ha ha

You

We all have choices in life

But for me when it comes to you

I have no other choices

Besides you

It has always been you

No other option

Only you.

Retreat

hello earthlings! 🙂sampahh
I just finished reading Blue-Eyed Devil by Lisa Kleypas, and it was basically a novel about how Haven Travis married with the wrong guy (Nick Tanner) and happen to meet Hardy (the ‘blue-eyed devil’ guy) after she divorce with her good for nothing husband . I’ve been following the novel since the first book , Sugar Daddy and so I watched the story progress, I witnessed their bond and I feel her loss and their relationship. It’s relatable, and it’s yet another self-reminder on how we should move on from our past histories and appreciate the people that we love us while they are still present in our lives.
The novel pretty much got me thinking to myself, how people always express their regrets and say the words “should have” when it’s already too late. Why do we only say “I should’ve held on to him,” or “I should’ve hugged him at that point when I had the chance” only when we can’t do those things anymore. We are the people who take each other for granted. I am so tired of hearing the same line, feeling the same feeling and utter the same thing over and over again. When are we ever going to learn? It is so easy to lose someone, to have a chance slip through your fingers, to have something you thought was permanent being taken away from you. Do you notice how we only appreciate something more when it’s taken away from us?
Everytime I remember how I sometimes forget to prioritize my mom, it upsets me. I see how hard she tries to give me the best in life and how she’s always doing this cute gestures and trying to win me over and get my attention. I am honestly blessed with this wonderwoman who deserves much better treatment than I have ever given her. I think sometimes we momentarily forget, that our parents aren’t growing any younger and we should know better, that they are going to leave us any moment now because really, since when has age been the only reason of death? We have got to start remembering what’s most important in life. Friends and lovers, just like the seasons they come and they go. But family? They’re the only ones that stay. Everything you do, no matter how ugly a side of yourself that only they have seen, they still accept you. You are still living under their roof. Who else would be able to provide you with that? I believe family are the only ones who will never grow tired of you, never give up on you and never make you feel alone. And how are we contributing in that role as a fellow family member? We expect and we take yet are we sacrificing and are we?
Taking back from what I just read, Haven married Nick beyond her parents’ wishes and without any expectation, her marriage turns into a huge disaster. With her brother’s help, she ran away from her nightmare and moving on with having a job at Hardy’s business company. I can imagine Hardy as Christian Grey – successful, smart, rich, handsome and has everything that he wants! but moving on is not easy for Haven as she tried to recover from her past nightmare. As typical as it is, she ignore Hardy’s sweet and flirtatious treatment to win her heart. This is the part where I guess you can conclude ‘you cannot simply turn down the person who has love you and sacrifice everything for you’. Hardy is like Sandy Man who simply kills all her nightmares and turned them into lovely dreams, basically made her a better person compared to Nick. After awhile, she kindda loss him and regret for ignoring his true act of kindness. Here’s the part where she puts all her effort and find him back to gain his love. I’m not going to spoil the story, but indeed this is the best book by Lisa Ive read after the Sugar Daddy.
I suppose it’s because I’ve been through some things that made me realize that fact. I may have despised the situation I was in at the time but now I see it as both a lesson and a blessing more than anything. I would’ve never known to appreciate people who are significant rather than the opposite if I haven’t had to go through so much shit at this age. If you haven’t gone through it yet, there will come a time that you feel like the person you have now is everything you have! and turn down those who never forget to care about you! but sooner or later an incident or two will reveal the truths of it all.

The point of this post is to remind you to pay more attention to what’s going on in your house and your circle, spend more quality time with your parents who are growing older by the day, go for coffee once in a while with your siblings to get updates on each others lives as you both understand how busy one and the other are, spend more time embracing the love you and your partner have for each other rather than picking small fights, keep in touch with that old friend who’s never forgotten you, fill the lives of your friends with good vibes and allow yourself to do and say nice things to people no matter how random they might find it. Because nothing lasts forever and regretting isn’t going to turn back time.


Do it while you still can.

“One of the blessings human beings take for granted is the ability to remember pain without re-feeling it. The pain of the physical wounds is long gone …and the other kind of hurt, the damage done to our spirits, has been healed. We are careful with those scarred places in each other. “

u-turn

 

Hello earthlings!

First of all lemme start with…. Yes i have so many accounts! Not really… I have double twitters, Tumblrs and ig’s. But one of every of the accounts are for the purpose of not posting any personal matters. For this one – up there 👆🏻 is like a portfolio, or collections of photograph i took whenever I go. I love to see how beautiful every moments Ive captured and Ive always remember that, memories are not forever. But puotograph does. Our mind cant store everything, so do our eyes. We can witness the true beauty and share with everyone in the form of photographs. Nah.. Im not trying to be a photographer here. Haha. But this is how I collect memories that are worth to be kept for. Teehee

Second of all.

I would like to thank every readers and friends who have supported me in everything! Especially those who understand my current situations and problems. Thank you so much. I would not be this cheerful and craaayyyyzayyy  and loud and care freeeeee if its not because of these precious people ; diana, leeya, sinta, fallin, irrelevant eleven, faisal and of course, luqman arif. Thank you so much for being able to accept me during me hardest and toughest timealthough  some of you have no idea why I wasnt being the usual natasha. 

xx

P/s; God gave stars when Sun decides to leave. 

Oops I did it Again

 

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p style=”text-align:start;”>You have always been that one person I wanted to be right about.