i know some things can change. like when you really love someone but end up hating them. Or perhaps you really love them but somethings going on and you have to stop.


5 years in Indonesia and ive met alot of people that come and go. But these people here, i never stop thinking about them cuz I really miss them. I never had any relationship with anyone (apart from my family) that i feel.. home. Who are they? Family Makassar. Tante Ros, Om Hamzah, Indri, kak Innah and everyone in Panakkukang. Tante and om are like my own parents. Whenever i think about thm, i can only pray for their health and happiness. I love them like my own parents.

And Indri? Shes like my sister. I hope shes doing okay. I hope she doesnt think that I hate her or ive forgotten her. I hope she can persue in whatever she loves, I hope she found her true prince, I hope she found a sister who can be there for her and I hope shes happy.

as for others, im sorry. For whatever ive done. They are like my family too. But for some stuff, i have to let things go.


I miss everyone. For all things that happened, people will call me stupid cuz i still love them like my own family. 3 years ++ with them. I shall never forget these good memories ❤️




Gue lagi di pedo. Which is kedokteran gigi anak. Lol omong bahasa indonesia. Okay. So dah 2 minggu dekat sini. Hari ni apa aku nak cerita is about my mom. 

Playlist : mother by adhitia sofyan~

Tomorrow is her birthday. She is so special to me. I hope i can be like her one day. Good side tho lol. Jadi apa aku nak cerita is bila aku dekat pedo, aku tgk bidak kecik ni ada gigi terabur ada yang…. Kau tengok pun kau fikir dua kali nak rawat ke tak (kalau kau bukan dokter mesti kau tak sanggup). However is still look at them like gifts from God. Aku selalu fikir mereka itu berharga. Semua. All of them.  Tu sbb kadang kadang aku kesian tgk gigi diorg … Mmm. Okay back to the main topic here which is my mom. 
So after aku tgk gigi diorg aku terfikir, tak ada org ke jaga? Maafkan. Aku belum ada anak. Perhaps aku tak faham kesibukan org da kerja. And ada yang gigi berterabur sbb ada kebiasaan teruk mcm hisap jari, gigit kuku, bernafas ikut mulut. Some dari penelitian, tu sbb psychology. Diorg perlukan kasih sayang, diorang takut, diorg mentally depressed etc etc. you can do research yourself. Aku malas nak elaborate. 
Pastu aku tgk gigi aku and kakak aku and adik aku. Kitorg semua alhamdulillah bukan jenis terbalik sana sini and tak ada yang disebabkan bad habits as i mentioned …..adik aku je pakai braces itu pun mild potrusion and dia nak sgt. So aku buat kan dia removable bracket. Pastu aku fikir lagi… Gigi aku and sibs aku rasanya tak ada yang ada problem since kecik… Padahal aku budak kampung yg arwah nenek jaga masa dekat bangi. Aku jenis budak kampung yang main pasir, main daun, panjat pokok etc… Masuk hutan. Dont think i was born in kl so im that swaggy kid main basikal mahal. No. Aku siap tangkap arnab dalm hutan and bakar katak plus tgk org cina tangkap babi hutan. So yeah… Aku dulu budak kampung. 

My parents are always in long distance relationship. Bapak selalu balik once in aweek or two weeks.. Aku duduk dengan mama. My dad was in penang pastu pindah seremban pastu melaka pastu kl pastu sini pastu sana. 

In conclusion; ive grown up well. You can see how much love and care ive received from my mom although we are far away from my dad and dari aku sekolah, we have no pembantu or bibik or maid. We stop when i was 5 years old and my sister was 2. At 7 we moved to kota bharu, kelantan. Still, my dad was in penang. Sampai pindah KL pun bapak dekat seremban. 
My mom is a super mom. Knowing my dad, and sometimes ill be wondering ‘aku tak nak kawin dengan org mcm bapak aku’ (sorry dad), my mom must be strong enough to have married this guy. Tapi dua dua aku sayang 😀 
Happy birthday ma. 

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sugar and bricks

I feel peculiar. My teeth feel funny like I had something sour. My heart is pounding like Im nervous for a race. My mind isnt at ease and my hand wont stop wanting to move things around. To say Im content is a big fat lie. To say Im restless is an understatement. Gawd, Im confusing myself even. I want to do so many things right now, but Im terrified at the thought of the possible consequences. Coward !. I’m losing it, definitely. I’m definitely losing it. I need to get back on track and prioritize and put my life in order once again. I cant go on living like this, I feel like Im  losing myself and even people around me. You know what else I think? Im overreacting. Godddddd how do I fix this. Who do I reach out to, to fix myself? Well thats easy. God, of course. I put my life in His hands and let fate do and give whatever I deserve. But that doesnt sound like me, does it. Sitting back and not doing anything about life, accepting whatever that comes my way. No, I decide my future. I do what I want and say what I wish to whoever I want, whenever I want. Yeap, thats me right there. Or was, that was me. Now all I do is make up theories and try to live with it and accept the way reality works. Honestly, other peoples happiness make me happier more than a lot of things. When In down, and I go on facebook and see a certain guy posting something positive about my best friend, it makes my night straight away. Knowing my sister and her boyfriend have been together for almost eight years now make me smile. Finding out a guy I onced care for found someone he really likes and knowing she makes him happy, makes me happy. My patient texted me telling how thankful he is to receive my free dental treatment and willingly to help him solving all his dental problems, gives me a very strong positive feeling on clinical year. Maybe it isnt my happiness, not directly nor personally, but it sure is something. A big something. I just want all the people I love and care about to be happy, genuinely happy. That alone is enough to make me feel alright. Mmhmm..

P/s; his birthday is coming up. Omg im so terrified! 

to infinity and beyond

I believe I owe it to a lot of people, for bringing me to where I am today.

On this random Monday, I have somehow taken myself to trips down memory lane. Every memory came gliding in, like the sound of pitter patter – slowly, calmly, wonderfully. No complaints. I think all it took was one visit back to the past, reliving moments I never thought I’d ever get the chance to again. But God works in mysterious ways, and instead of giving me what I wished for on a silver platter, He gave me an opportunity to see things for myself, and solely evaluate what’s always been in the back of my mind. Because God never gives us the easy way out, as He wants us to understand why things happen the way they do. And it’s reconciled. My thoughts are now put to ease. I’ve actually got the chance to resolve my what ifs. Do you know what’s the best part? It was all been done on my own, by the help of God. No, a book contenting what I should do and how to handle life did not land on my praying mat on a night of blue moon – instead He opened my eyes. And that was all it took really, for me to realize. For me to choose the right path. For me too look back, and smile.
That’s all I’ve been doing, in the midst of reminiscing, realizing and reconsidering. I smiled the whole way through. So this is when I do the acts of letting go, making leaps and taking chances. This is when I finally put an end to some things, and brace myself for new beginnings. This is when I push aside any negativism living inside me, and bring out my optimistic side.

This is when I make a fresh new start, without being torn in between the past and the present. Because I am now heading to the future, with a much polished present.